第5章 和反性势力，周旋到底
CHAPTER FIVE Battling Sex Negativity
FROM THE SLUT’S point of view, the world is sometimes a dangerous place. Lots of people seem to think it’s okay to go to any lengths to stop us from being sexual.
对婊子而言，这个世界经常充满危险。不少人都巴不得给别人统统套上贞操锁，无所不用其极。
Some antisex crusaders try to make loving dangerous for women by outlawing birth control and abortion, leading to unwanted pregnancies and back-alley medical care. Others would outlaw access to sex information, in schools or on the Internet, so that children cannot learn to care for their health and well-being and have no access to safer-sex training that would teach them how to avoid spreading AIDS. In an appalling development since the first edition of this book, a vaccine that helps prevent cervical cancer in women is being met with resistance from puritans who believe that inoculating a young against cancer somehow encourages her to have sex. Some people purporting to have the word from God preach on the public airwaves that AIDS is divine punishment for any sexuality that deviates from what they believe to be normal. We find such preaching far more obscene than any possible form of sex.
有些热衷于“公序良俗”的圣崽，巴不得立法惩治避孕和堕胎——如果他们得逞，将有大量的意外怀孕，以及，让终止妊娠的医疗服务，沦为非法的黑户。此辈“君子”的高论和德行，无非要让性爱对女人而言，变得不再安全、险象丛生。另一些家伙，则成天憋着净化网络，还想把学校里的性教育也关进笼子——即通过法律，禁掉涉“性”信息。这样一来，就能把未成年人，统统“教毁”成为性福生活的满不懂、安全性爱的二把刀，和艾滋防控的睁眼瞎。还有个怵目惊心的幽灵，从这本书首次出版的上世纪末起，就一直游荡在我们上空: 这是一帮无限热爱贞操枷锁的红卫兵，对有助于降低宫颈癌风险的“人乳头瘤病毒（HPV）疫苗”，百般抵制阻挠；因为他们忧国忧民、杯弓蛇影地设想，如果给一个女生接种HPV疫苗，就无异于在某种程度上，为她壮胆赋权，令她更加坦荡无畏地约炮性交。此外，还有些自称能听到上帝喊话的神棍，经常在广播或电视上大发谬论: 艾滋病是上帝挥舞的利剑，是对变态秽行（无非是不符合他们自己所认定的“正常性行为”而已！）的天谴。笔者觉得这种鬼话，比现实中一切可能发生的性行为，都更加不雅。
There are places where some people believe that being a slut makes you fair game for violence. Why were you walking down that street at night in a short dress or tight pants? No wonder you got raped or assaulted. It must be the victims’ fault. And you look so queer—no wonder that gang decided to beat you up.
在一些场合，许多人都认为: “既然你穿得少，强暴纯属自找”。“你为啥偏要在大晚上，出门穿短装？无论你被性侵、被殴打或者被车撞，都是自作自受，活该！再瞧瞧你，这身不男不女、不人不鬼的变态骚样儿，简直就是明摆着找抽！”
We are also considered fair game for other forms of oppression. Multiple sexual partners can be seen as a good reason to take all your property, your children, and your future income in a punitive divorce settlement. You could lose your job, or your promise for advancement, or your professional reputation, if the wrong people find out about your personal life.
此外还有很多压迫机制，都把我们这些婊子，视为理所应当的被整肃对象。拥有婚外性伴侣，可能会导致离婚，并在离婚判决中受到惩处，并在财产分割、子女抚养权等方面，都处于明显的不利地位，乃至失去上述的一切，个人前景变得非常灰暗。如果你的私生活，被错误的人所窥知，你可能因此失去工作，或者葬送掉你本应得到的升迁机遇、职业声望。
Judging Ourselves
We hope this examination of the dangers of sluttery will lead you to ask yourself some questions. What is my experiences of oppression and how does it affect me? Who do I have to lie to in my life? What are my closets? As you look deeper, you might ask yourself: what assumptions have I made about how my sexuality should be? Do I hold judgments about what “good” and “nice” people do that I wind up turning against myself?
我们希望，当你对“我从此做个婊子”可能造成的风险和伤害，进行预判思考时，能够对自己问出以下几个问题: 我经受过哪些禁锢、压制？这对我造成了怎样的影响？在日常生活中，我不得不对哪些人撒谎？我所不能说出去的秘密，到底是什么？随着更加深入的探究，你可能还会这样问自己: 我对自己和“性”有关的林林总总，认为“应该怎么样才对、才好”，这类评判标准的背后，究竟有着怎样的价值预设？我对其ta人“怎样才算更好更美更可爱”的评判标准，有没有反噬我自身，成为自我审查、自我苛求的枷锁？
When we judge ourselves by cultural values imposed from the outside, when women believe they ought to be small and quiet, when gay people believe that their sexual choice is a neurosis, or when we all believe we would be better people if we were be able to be monogamous, this is internalized oppression. When we apply these unfair judgments to other people who are like us, when we see our friends as too slutty or too free, this is called horizontal hostility. We suggest you look through chapter 2 , “Myths and Realities”, as a checklist, to see where the beliefs that you learned in our sex-negative culture might be getting in your way.
当我们用外部文化所强加的价值观来自我审查，当妇女认定自己应当卑微而柔顺，当同性恋者认为自己的性口味是一种神经症，或者，当我们觉得保持一对一关系、绝不“出轨”，意味着更高尚的人品、更美满的人生: 以上种种，都是将来自外部的性压迫，在自己的心中内化。当我们把这些非正义的评判标准，矛头指向和我们类似的其ta人时，或者，当我们对某些朋友“举止太婊气”、“性爱太放纵”感到看不惯时，这就叫做“同一阶层之间的敌意”（horizontal hostility）。 【就像一些“深柜”者，表现得更加仇视LGBT+人群。——译者注 】 对此，笔者建议你重温本书的第二章，“迷思与事实”，将此作为一个自我反思的清单，审视我们所抱持的观念，辨识出其中来自“反性”文化、阻碍着我们前行的糟粕。
“反性”抽疯多，人间很险恶
Section titled ““反性”抽疯多，人间很险恶”It’s a Harsh World out There
Those of us who choose to run our lives and loves in an unconventional manner should probably be prepared for the fact that many parts of the world will not welcome us with open arms. While there are certainly ways to protect yourself against some social, logistical, and financial consequences, we can’t guarantee that they never will be consequences. It’s not easy being easy.
那些在生活方式和情爱模式上，偏离传统、特立独行的人，往往难免要在很多情况下，做好“不被大家接纳”的准备。而同时，也有很多自我保护的方法，让我们在社会关系、物资需求和财产安全等方面，能够尽量变得更加稳固、坚韧（虽然谁也无法保证“百毒不侵”）。坚持做个正牌大婊，并不是小菜一碟的易事。
Ex-spouses, parents, in-laws, and others who don’t share your values about the potential for inclusive relationships may be hostile. Your friendly neighborhood pastor may not be sympathetic, either. Bringing both of your parents to the company picnic is not a good way to ensure your continued ascent through the corporate hierarchy. We recommend extreme caution in choosing who to come out to: yes, we know you’re blissfully happy and want to share your joy with the world, but remember, you can’t un-tell. We know people who have lost jobs, child custody, and more because the wrong people have become aware of their sexual choices.
作为婊子，你的往昔爱人、高堂父母、婚亲姑婆，以及所有与你沾亲带故但三观不同的人，都可能对你拔刀相向。平时慈眉善目的高邻，也可能对你无情打击。就像在公司举行团建野餐时，带你父母一起联欢，并不能保证你会晋升得更顺利（不要忘记，在相互依存的同时，还有着始终未曾消融的不平等关系）。笔者不得不作出红色预警: 你要对谁出柜，都须慎重择人。你的性福秘密，也许渴望对全世界分享；但切记，一言出口，覆水难收。因为自己的秘密被错误的人所察觉，而失去工作、妻离子散乃至付出更高代价，这样的不幸者比比皆是。
Some landlords are reluctant to rent to groups that don’t conform to the traditional family structure; although this way may technically illegal, in our experience it’s common, and we suggest that you be prepared to tell a teeny white lie when necessary. （“Why, yes, he’s my adopted brother.”）Some leases contain clauses that allow landlords to terminate rental agreements on the basis of “immoral behavior” or “association with undesirable people” and most allow them to kick you out for illegal behavior—which in some states includes nonmarital sex.
有些房东，不欢迎非婚伴侣（乃至非异性恋婚姻关系者）入住。如此公然歧视，也许在白纸黑字的法律层面，是不合规的，但在现实层面，却比比皆是。笔者建议你，在必要时撒点小谎。（“啊，是这样的，他是我继父家的兄弟……”）有些关于房屋租赁的法律条款中，允许房东禁止房客“有不正当行为”，或者“把不受欢迎之人带进来”，这就意味着，如果房客违反，就很可能会被房东“合法”地驱逐。在美国的一些州，所谓的“不正当行为”，可以包括“非婚姻关系的性爱”。
Similarly, your personal love and sex arrangements are best kept out of the workplace: both of us have lost jobs and clients for being who we are. While some cities and states offer some protection to people who are gay, lesbian, or transgender, we are not aware of any that guarantee equal right for sluts. Unless you are absolutely certain that your employer or your coworker is slut-positive—not just gay, or a swell person with a great fond of dirty jokes, or someone who used to sleep around in college—we recommend a capacious and well-insulated closet.
同理，你个人的爱情和性事，最好和职场关系，相互隔绝。本书的两位笔者，都曾有过因为私生活被人知晓，而失去工作、失去客户的经历。即使在一些城市、一些州，有对LGBT人群的保障措施，也并不能确保我们婊子，也能平等享受到此类权利。除非我们能够断定，某个老板或者同事，是真正对婊子持肯定态度的开明人士，否则，就不如在沉默中确保平安，切勿对其出柜。须知，不要以为同性恋者必然是婊子的同盟；也不要觉得，那些热衷于满嘴黄腔的“登徒子”，或者曾经和很多同学上过床的人，就一定能对婊子给予肯定和支持。
For information about protecting your legal ad political rights as a practitioner of a nontraditional sexual lifestyle, check out the Resource Guide at the end of the book.
作为一个“非传统性爱模式”的践行者，如何保护好自己的民事权利、政治权利，更多信息，请参阅本书末尾附录的“资源导览”。
Legal Agreements
If you and your partner(s) are living in somewhat marriage-like structure, with the expectation of sharing property, providing for one another in the event of illness or death, raising children, or running a business together, we strongly recommend official legal documentation of your status and intentions. Terrifying stories of lover kept from lover when one of them is hospitalized, a longtime partner left penniless and homeless after someone’s unexpected death, individuals who have been parents in all ways but blood losing an orphaned child to a partner’s parents or ex-spouse, and so on should ne enough to convince you that it’s time to get official about all this.
如果你和一个或者多个伴侣，处于和婚姻类似的关系中，有意共享财产，那么就需要未雨绸缪: 如果你们之间，有谁突然病倒或者身故呢？再如，如果一起抚养孩子，或者一起创业经商，该注意哪些雷区？为此，笔者强烈建议，要有官方认可的法律文档——结合你的现状，和你的期待。以下种种悲剧，一直比比皆是: 所爱之人住院，你却无权探望；爱人意外身故，你被净身出户；尽管你在伴侣关系中，对没有血缘关系的子女，照顾得仁至义尽，但你的伴侣突然去世，年幼的孩子被判给伴侣的爹妈，或者ta的前任。这些不胜枚举的悲剧，都是不可忽视的教训——赶快对你的重要事项，做好法律层面的安排吧！
You do not legally own your children, and the legal agreements you can make about them are limited by that fact. You can use your will to express your desires about who will care for your children after your death, but the court may not be obliged to follow your wishes. In some cases a nonbiological parent can adopt a lover’s children as a stepparent. But your children are not property, and you cannot give them to anyone you choose. States that don’t follow same-sex couples to adopt also resit second-parent adoption, meaning if you are a child’s third parent from birth, you have fewer rights than any parent from a second, third, or fifteenth marriage.
对并非法律意义上的子女，法律协议有很多局限性。比如，你可以预立遗嘱，来表达你的意愿: 如果自己不幸身故，孩子希望有谁抚养。但是，法庭的判决，并不一定会遵从你的遗愿。诚然，确有一些案例，当事人可以作为继父母，抚养和自己没有血缘关系、由情侣所生育的孩子。然而，孩子毕竟不是你所拥有的财产，你无权把孩子，交付给你所中意的任何人。那些禁止同性伴侣收养孩子的法律因素，也在禁止成为同性伴侣之子女的继父母。这意味着，即使你从孩子一出生，就是事实上的抚养者，也会在法庭上，处于很低的抚养权优先级，很可能输给这个孩子血亲的二婚、三婚、四五六婚对象。
Aside from that, it’s possible, and not difficult, to make fully legal contracts to document your your agreements on relationship issues. A publishing company called Nolo Press specialized in do-it-yourself legal books, complete with forms and step-by-step instructions. Janet and her previous partner chose not to engage in legal marriage although, since they were an opposite-sex couple, they could have done so; instead, they use a Nolo Press book to outline their legal agreements with power of attorney of wills.
即令如此，做好一份详尽的法律文书，对伴侣关系中的种种事宜进行权利声明，不但切实可能，而且并非难事。有一家名叫Nalo社的出版公司，专注于自助式法律图书，书中有格式文本，和手把手的分步提示。本书作者之一的珍妮特，和前任伴侣，并未选择法定婚姻关系（尽管同性伴侣也可以依法注册成婚），而她们的替代方案，是运用Nalo社图书中的知识，白纸黑字明确界定了相关的法律协议，并授权给自己信得过的委托代理人。
Pay special attention to durable powers of attorney for finance and health care, and to wills. While the law will not support everything an eager slut might want to do with their money and property, your chances of having your desires upheld by the law will be greatly improved if you express them in a formal and legal manner.
针对财产、健康照护事宜，以及遗嘱，你一定要多花些工夫，对具有持久权力的委托代理人，慎重选择。尽管现行法律，对一个铁杆婊子的金钱和资产，无法时刻做到有力保障，但是，如果你预先通过正式的法律文件，对自己的相关权利，进行充分的表达、主张，这就意味着，你的这些权利，被以法律之名克减、掠夺的风险，会大幅降低；如果更多婊子都能主动利用法律来伸张权利，法律本身也将明显改善。
If your agreements are particularly complicated, or if things of great value（such as a lot of money or a successful business）are involved, you may want to go beyond the do-it-yourself level and contract an attorney. If you have that kind of money, you probably know more about this than we do. Do try to find an attorney who is open to nontraditional relationships; you can find referral lists in the Resource Guide at the end of the book.
如果你的法律协议，内容非常复杂，或者涉及价值极高的事物（例如巨款，或者你所建立的大企业），那么，你的法律自助，可能力有不逮，为此，最好求助于专业的代理律师。如果你真那么有钱，你大概在这些方面，比笔者懂的更多。千万要找个对非传统的情爱关系，持开放、友善态度的代理律师。附录于本书末尾的“资源导览”，也列举了一些可供参考的相关资源。
We have neither the space nor the expertise to tell you all the ways that that people with nontraditional sexualities can go about setting up their lives—options range all the way from adopting your partner to setting up a business trust, and beyond. But please, don’t assume that your good intentions, heartfelt love, and general wonderfulness will protect you. Sluts don’t have that luxury. Do your homework and get the law on your side.
既保持离经叛道的性爱，又能把自己的生活，方方面面都安排得很好，方法有很多——从成为伴侣的收养监护人，到自行创办企业信托机构，以及其他很多招数——但笔者无法在此逐一尽述，纸张有限，所闻亦有限。但请千万牢记，不要幻想你的善意、痴情和一切美梦，能够保佑你。我们婊子玩不起这般奢侈。还是踏踏实实做好功课，让法律为我们所用，更靠谱些。