第7章 丰富多彩的性福
第二卷 婊子领进门，修性在个人 Part Two THE PRACTICE OF SLUTHOOD
CHAPTER SEVEN Abundance
MANY TRADITIONAL ATTITUDES about sexuality are based on the unspoken belief that there isn’t enough of something—love, sex, friendship, commitment—to go around. If you believe this, if you think that there’s a limited amount of what you want, it can seem very important to stake you claim to your share of it. You may believe that you have to take your share away from somebody else, since if it’s a very good thing, someone else is probably competing with you for it (how could they!). Or you may believe that if someone else gets something, that means there must be less of it for you.
那些传统的性保守教条，究其根基，往往是一种难以明言的“匮乏理念”: 情爱、性爱、友爱，和对爱的承诺，都是供不应求的稀缺品。如果你认为自己所期待的任何东西，在全世界的总额都是有限的，那就难免导致强烈的独占欲，生怕别人染指、争夺。你可能坚信，自己所拥有的好东西，都是打败别人而获得的战利品；好东西必然人人想要，因此，人人都是竞争对手（“卧榻之侧岂容他人鼾睡！”）。你可能还会认为，别人所拥有的一切美好，对自己而言，都意味着幸福资源的减少。
走出匮乏，步入丰饶
Section titled “走出匮乏，步入丰饶”Getting Enough
We want all our readers to get everything they want. Here are some ideas that might help you over some of the obstacles on the path.
笔者期待每一位读者，都能心想事成，得到自己想要的一切。接下来，我们谈一谈：在走向丰饶多彩的途中，如何克服心魔障碍。
饥荒经济法则
Section titled “饥荒经济法则”STARVATION ECONOMIES
We call this kind thing “starvation economies”. People often learn about starvation economies in childhood, when parents who are emotionally depleted or unavailable teach us that we must work hard to get our emotional need met, so that if we relax our vigilance for even a moment, a mysterious someone or something may take the love we need away from us. Some of us may even have experienced real-world hunger (if you didn’t grab first, your brothers got all the potatoes), or outright neglect, deprivation, or abuse. Or we may learn starvation economies later in life, from manipulative, withholding, or punitive loves, spouses, or friends.
心魔之一，可以被称为“饥荒经济法则”。这是很多人自幼耳濡目染所形成的习惯。小时候的我们，经常被心力交瘁的老一辈如此教导: 你只要稍有不慎，所爱、所需的一切，就难免会被不期而至的外人所窃取、所掠夺。有些人可能真正经历过饥馁之困（如果你的手慢一些，你的兄弟就会把仅有那点的食物抢走），或者，从小被疏于照料，曾遭受掠夺、虐待。还有些人，是在人生历程的某些阶段，遇到惯于身心操控、隐瞒欺骗和打击报复的婚恋对象或者亲朋好友，从中习得了“饥荒经济法则”。
The belief acquired in childhood are usually deeply buried and hard to see, both in individuals and in our culture. So you may have to look carefully to see the pattern. You can see it in a small way in the kind of complaining contest some people engage in: “Boy, did I have a rotten day today.” “You think your day was rotten—wait till you hear about my day!” —as though there ware a limited amount of sympathy in the world and the only way to get the amount due you was to compete for it. Or remember how you have felt looking at the last piece of a very good pie, the secret salivation that made you greedy and territorial and a “selfish” person. When it is okay to want anything? People may think that if you love Bill that means you must love Mary less, or if you’re committed to your relationship with your friend you must be less committed to your relationship with your spouse. And then how do you know if you’re Number One in a partner’s heart?
幼年习得的理念，往往既深入骨髓，又令你一直浑然不觉: 个人经历如此，文化熏陶亦然。所以，你需要对文化模式和行为模式，进行见微知著的审视。一些人的抱怨话语，能折射出此类问题——“我告诉你，老子今天倒霉透顶！”、“那你就闭嘴，先听听我今天有多牛逼！”——如此对话，仿佛彼此共情的可能性，全世界只有那么一点点，当你想要表述内心感受，就必须和其他人竞争，将话筒抢到自己手中。你也可以回想下，当餐桌上美味无比的馅饼，只剩下最后一块，你是怎样的感受。也许你会暗自馋涎欲滴，巴不得立刻把馅饼夹到自己碗里，以免被同桌的旁人抢先。这一刻，你似乎成了贪心鬼、自私鬼。究竟在怎样的情况下，才能合情合理地满足自己的欲求？在一些人看来，如果你爱上了张三，就无法同样深情地爱李四；或者，如果你有了特别要好的朋友，就会对家里的老伴儿，不再那么上心。这样一来，你又如何判断，你在伴侣的心里，是否被置于第一？
This kind of thinking is a trap. We know, for example, that having a second child doesn’t usually mean that a parent love the first child less and that the person who owns three pets doesn’t necessarily give any less care to any one of them than the person who owns one. But when it comes to sex, love, and romance, it’s hard for most people be believe that more for you doesn’t mean less for me, and we often behave as if desperate starvation is just around the corner if we don’t corner some love right now.
上述想法，纯属坑爹。举个广为人知的例子，有了第二个孩子，并不等于会降低对第一个孩子的爱；养三只宠物的人，对其中任何一只的照料，未必输给只养一只宠物的人。但如果谈到性、爱和浪漫，很多人都很难意识到，“给予张三更多”，并不意味着“给予李四更少”——这使得我们当中的很多人，如果不能对爱情时时刻刻保持独占，就会变得活像个急红了眼的饿鬼。
LETTING GO
Getting over past fears of starvation can be one of the biggest challenges of ethical sluthood. It requires an enormous leap of faith: you have to let go of some of what feels like yours, trusting that it will be replaced in abundance by a generous world. You need to get clear that you deserve love and nurturance and warmth and sex. If the world hasn’t been all that generous to you in the past, this may be very difficult.
正牌大婊的内功修炼，一个顶级难关，是让过去养成、由来已久的“饥荒恐惧感”，从自己心中“恶灵退散”。这意味着个人价值观的巨幅跃迁。你需要把自以为是、自我设限的执念，顺其自然地搁置在一边，代之以“世界丰富多元，充满奇迹，充满发现”。爱情，和你自身的成长流变，性福，和人间的柔情温暖——你有资格得到这一切，理所当然。然而，如果你的过去经历，令你感到世界远没有那么慷慨，此刻让你马上转变世界观，确实会很难。
Unfortunately, we can’t promise you that the world will be generous to you. We think it will, that if loosen your possessive grip on the love that’s already yours, you’ll get more, from the person who loves you, and maybe from some other people too. It certainly has worked for us. But, especially in the beginning, letting go of starvation economies can feel a lot like flying on a trapeze: you have to let go of the security you already have, trusting that at the end of the leap there will always be something else to catch you.
不得不承认，谁也无法担保，这个世界必定会对你很慷慨、能够带给你很多幸福。但是，当你对现有的爱情，控制欲有所放松，一般来说，你就能够从中获得更多的爱与被爱。爱情的增额，可能来自你当下的情侣，也可能来自和其ta人的巧遇。这是千真万确的实情。不过，当你在上述情况开始出现之际，直接把“饥荒经济”的执念放下、搁浅，让它顺其自然地冲淡、飘散，那么，你大概会感到惊险不安，仿佛置身于悬空摇摆的高架秋千。这时，你需要对当下所谓的“安全感”，不再执著固守，索性顺其自然。请坚信: 当你跨出这一步，必将获益更多。
Is there a safety net for this kind of daredevilry? Well, yes, but it’s going to require another leap of faith…because the safety net is you, your self-reliance, your self-nurturing, your ability to spend time in your own company. If being alone seems unbearable to you, the courage required to relinquish what’s “yours” may be impossible to summon.
“高空荡秋千”，可有“安全网”？还真有！但这需要你的观念，再一次向前跃迁。所谓“安全网”，就是你自己：你的自信自助、自学自强，和你在亲密关系中，勇于实时付出的能力。只有学会与自己独处，才能够唤醒“敢于放手，有舍方有得”的勇气。
On the other hand, what an incredibly free feeling it is to realize there is enough love, sex, commitment, support, and nurturing to go around! Janet used to spend the night when her partner was out with someone else by securing a date with one of her other lovers, so she wouldn’t have to be alone. Now, she says, “I know that option is there for me if I want it, but much more often I choose to spend that time in my own company, enjoying the opportunity for solitary self-indulgence.” Knowing that the world offers plenty of companionship, she feels safe enough to not need that reassurance.
而从另一个方面看，当你真正体验到丰盈的爱情、多彩的性趣、充分的信任、强劲的支持，和缠绵悱恻的携手共进，此乐何极！本书作者之一的珍妮特，之前常在伴侣和其ta人约会的夜晚，设法找个自己喜欢的人，以免独守空枕。而如今的她，却这样说: “我知道，找个人约炮过夜，对我而言轻而易举。但更多时候，我会选择独处，尽情沉湎于只有我一个人的小天地。”她已经深知，寻求陪伴关系的机遇，可谓俯拾即是，所以，她对自己的亲密关系极具安全感，再也用不着反复“确认”什么。
现实世界的限制因素
Section titled “现实世界的限制因素”REAL-WORLD LIMIT
In contrast to starvation economies, some of the things we want really are limited. There are only twenty-four hours in the day, for example—so trying to find enough time to do all the wonderfully slutty things we enjoy, with all the people we care about, can be a real challenge, and sometimes impossible.
除了“饥荒经济”的假想心魔之外，现实世界的很多资源，确实是有限的。例如，每天都只有24小时；想要和众多所爱之人尽情纵欲，经常会很难，腾不出彼此都方便的时间。
Time is the biggest real-world limit we encounter in trying to live and love as we like. This problem is hardly exclusive to sluts; monogamous folks also run into problems finding the time for sex, companionship, and communication.
时间，是现实世界的最大限制条件，让我们很难随心所欲地邂逅更多人、过更多种不一样的生活。无论做个婊子，还是恪守一对一的封闭关系，如何腾出时间，来进行性爱、陪伴和交流，都是共同的难题。
Careful planning can help—if you don’t already keep a fairly detailed datebook or computerized calender, now is a good time to start. Respecting one another’s realities, and staying flexible, is important. Crises happen: a sick child, a work emergency, or even another partner who needs companionship and reassurance during a particularly bad time. You might also want to do some thinking about how much time you need to get your needs met: do you really have to stay over and have breakfast together the next day, or would an hour or two of cuddling and talk be just as nice?
周密的时间规划，大有裨益。你不妨从现在开始，找个本子，或者在日历上，对之后每一天的时间，进行细致入微的预先安排。其中有两个要点，一是换位思考，尊重其ta人的现实状况、时间安排；二是对自己的时间规划，要富有弹性，易于调整变通。突发情况在所难免的，例如孩子生病、应急加班，或者，你的某个情人遭遇了重大麻烦，需要你的及时陪伴。为此，你可能还需要明确：你有哪些需求、想做哪些事，分别需要投入多少时间——你今夜一定要在ta家留宿，明天一定要和ta一起吃早餐吗？一两个小时的温存，是否也能同样温馨？
However you work out your schedule, remember that everybody concerned needs to know about it, and that may include more people than you are used to thinking about. A friend of ours, having failed to inform his wife’s lover about an engagement that affected her schedule, moaned, “I know I told someone.”
无论你怎样安排时间，都需要切记，让每一个和你时间安排有关的人，都及时知晓。有些非常关键的人，可能会被你不慎忽略。笔者的一个朋友，就因为没有把时间安排，告知自己老婆的一个情人，导致既定日程被打乱。他对此叹息道: “我明明告诉了所有人，却没想到还有一个该知道的人，被漏掉了……”
Don’t forget to schedule time to relate to your partner and play with your kids. And don’t leave yourself out: many busy sluts find it important to schedule alone time for rest and replenishment. Janet, when she lived in a Grand Central Station—like group household, had an arrangement with her girlfriend that she could occasionally use the girlfriend’s house for solitary retreats—a rear and precious gift—when she was out of town.
千万别忘记：一定要留出时间，和伴侣共度，和孩子玩耍。而且，也别忽略了你自己。很多整日东奔西忙的“老司机”，都深知一定要给自己留些独处时间，这是必要的“停车场”和“加油站”。本书作者之一的珍妮特，当她之前住在一个大型枢纽车站附近时，和一个远离市中心的女友商量好：她可以经常到该女友家，在空屋子里静心放松一下。这样的片刻独处，是珍妮特给自己的珍贵礼物。
Space is other real-world limit for many people. Few of us are fortunate enough to live in multiroom mansions with rooms dedicated exclusively to sex. If you’re in your bedroom with your friend, and your live-in partner is sleepy and wants to go bed, you’ve got a problem. Crashing on a narrow couch in one’s own apartment while one’s partner disports with someone else in one’s bed may beyond the limit of even the most advanced slut. When you share your bedroom or other play space with a partner or lover(s), we suggest making clear agreements well in advance of any date and sticking strictly to them. This problem may be solved by separate bedrooms or personal spaces if you can afford them. One couple we interviewed said, “Having separate bedrooms is a nonnegotiable need for us; we wouldn’t be able to maintain this lifestyle without them.”
空间，对很多人而言，是现实世界的另一个有限资源。住在有很多套间的豪宅，户型仿佛专门为做爱而设计，这样的幸运儿太少了。即使在自家卧室，如果你正和好友亲昵，但和你一起过日子的伴侣，此刻急于上床睡觉，这就足以让你陷入两难。设想某个人，待在自己家，伴侣正和其ta人在卧室里快活，而这个人却只能睡在沙发——此人即使对性爱再开放，恐怕也很难容忍这种情况。当你和伴侣之外的任何性伙伴，共享自家卧室时，一定要事先把规则谈妥，并严格执行。如果你有足够的钱，拥有更多的独立卧室，或者完全属于你自己的空间，问题也能解决。笔者访谈过的一对伴侣，曾这样说: “让我们各自拥有独立的卧室，是无可争议的必需，否则，我们的生活方式就难以维系。”
Dossie once had a very special relationship with a woman who lived across the continent with a partner. They liked to get together for entire weekend every six weeks or so, but where? Part of this book was written in a cabin in the country, where these two went for a writers retreat and private space in which to get very noisy. A hotel room can be another good solution.
本书作者之一的道茜，曾和一个女友，有过一段特别的亲密关系；该女友和她自己的伴侣，保持着相距甚远的异地恋。每隔一个半月左右，该女友和她的伴侣相聚，共度随后的一个星期。然而，在什么地方呢？到本书作者的乡下私宅。笔者在写这本书时，被她俩的声音，吵得不要不要的。其实她俩只需开个房，问题就能更好地解决。
Possessions can also be an issue. It’s only natural to want our stuff with the people we care about. But this urge can cause problem when possessions—money, food, art, sex toys—belong, legally or emotionally, to more than one person. If there’s any chance that someone feels a sense of possession about an item, we strongly recommend that you talk carefully with that person before you share the item with someone else. This rule is sometimes simple: you don’t let your lover polish off the carton of milk that your spouse was planning to drink for breakfast. It sometimes gets tricky, though. While you may have the technical right to give away a gift that was given to you by someone else, the wife who sees her husband’s Father’s Day tie around his lover’s neck may feel understandably miffed. Similarly, it’s a good idea to get consent about sharing an item that was made for you by an lover, or something that the two of you bought together during an intimate shopping trip on your anniversary. Many sluts, for the purpose of hygiene and/or emotional attachment, set aside certain sex toys for use with only one person: my vibrator, Harry’s dildo. Lending or giving joint owned money without discussing it with co-owner is , we hope it’s not necessary to say, unacceptable.
私有物品，也需留意。愿意和所爱之人共享自己的物品，是人之常情。但这种情感冲动，可能导致涉及物品归属的纠纷。钱财、饮食、艺术作品、情趣用品等，无论在情感上还是在法律上，都可能不止属于一个人。但其中的任何物品，如果有某个人，格外注重自己的所有权，那么，笔者在此强烈建议，如果你想要将该物品分享给其ta人，就一定要事先和那个人作好沟通、协商一致。有时，规则可以简单明确，比如你专门为老伴儿预备的早餐奶，情人不得动用。但也有一些令人为难的情况。例如，单从法律上讲，你显然有权把别人送你的礼物，转赠给别人。然而，如果一位主妇，看到自己老公在父亲节收到的领带，被老公的某个情人戴在身上，即使她气得当场炸毛，我们也可以理解。虑及此类，一个好办法是，张三送你的东西，如果你想和李四或王五分享，就应事先征得张三的同意；如果该物品，是你和张三共同购买的，在和别人分享前，要先和张三商量好。不少非常开放、婊气侧漏之人，也会出于对卫生的考虑，或者个人的情感偏好，对很多情趣用品，都坚持专人专用: “这个是我自己的震动棒，那个是哈利的假鸡巴。”至于将共同的钱财，未经相互协商便擅自借给别人，这显然绝对不行。
SEXUAL ECONOMIES
The “tyranny of hydraulics” is Dossie’s phrase for the biological realities that govern many aspects of sexuality. While it might be nice to think that you’re a sexual superman who can generate erections on demand ad infinitum, neither of us has yet met such a man. A partner who is looking forward to conventional sexual activities with a male lover may be quite understandably disappointed to find him unavailable by virtue of having ejaculated with another partner earlier that day. And even the most multiply orgasmic of women can’t stay turned on forever.
“苛酷的水荒”（“tyranny of hydraulics”），是本书作者之一的道茜，对性生理能力的描述: 它主宰着和你性生活相关的很多方面。你确实可以充满陶醉地幻想自己，拥有超乎常人的性能力，随时可以雄起，永远不会疲软，但普天之下，谁也没见过这样的性超人。当你期盼着和一个男人，进行最为传统的阴茎插入式性爱，恐怕会经常失望——如果这个男人当天已经射过，此时就难免无能为力。女人其实也类似，哪怕序列高潮再频繁，也无法一直嗨下去。
Such problems can often be solved by readjusting your expectations of what constitute sex—does it really always require an erection? An orgasm? An ejaculation? Practitioners of tantric yoga have developed ways by which many men can experience orgasm without ejaculation. These strategies are only somewhat useful for birth control and safer sex and are no substitute for rubbers. But they come up with a wonderful side effect: men who learn to orgasm without ejaculating are able to come many times, like women. Practitioners of many other kinds of sex have developed ways in which enthusiastic sluts can give their partners one or many orgasms and enjoy a surfeit of sensual pleasures themselves, regardless of their physiological state of arousal. Erections may come and go, but the rest of the nervous system works pretty much all the time. Before you give up on polyamory because of the tyranny of hydraulics, we suggest you investigate at least some of these possibilities (chapter 21, “Sex and Pleasure”, and some of the books in the Resource Guide will help).
只要针对“一场性爱应包含哪些内容”的期待，作出一些调整，上述问题就能妥善解决。勃起，或者高潮、射精，对于一场性爱，真的必不可少吗？密宗性爱瑜伽的践行者们，探索了很多种让男人不射精也能达到性高潮的法门。此类性爱法门，如今看来，也许能在一定程度上，降低意外怀孕的风险，并且让性爱更加安全 【也就是: 大幅降低了体液交换的可能性，从而减少了艾滋（HIV）、乙肝（HBV）和丙肝（HCV）的性传播风险——译者 】 ；但你也千万别以为这类法门，能够替代安全套 【从安全健康的角度考虑，没有射精的插入性行为，也需要戴套，因为前列腺液也可能携带艾滋、乙肝等病毒；如果用手指插入，戴好finger condom最保险，因为手上也可能有伤口——译者 】 。不过，此类密宗法门，能产生一个意外收获: 那些能够实现“非射精高潮”的男人，也可以像很多女人一样，有幸体验到多重高潮。此外，还有很多其他类型的性爱实践者，也摸索出不少好方法。感兴趣的人，可以和性伴侣试试这些方法——无须射精，却能多次达到高潮，从而充分享受感官愉悦，不再受限于生理层面的性唤起。男人所谓的“金枪不倒”，或者“阳痿、早泄”之类，顺其自然就好，平常心对待；关键是，除了勃起与否之外，还有全身上下其他部位的神经系统，都一直在枕戈待命，时刻准备着叫春发情。如果你把自身所谓的“性能力不足”，当作多边关系和多元性爱的障碍，那么，此言差矣；笔者在此劝你，多去探索一些其他的可能。（例如可以参阅本书第21章，“性爱与快乐”，或者从本书附录的“资源导览”中，选读些其他都相关资料。）
Remember outercourse. Remember the huge range of the sexual delights that don’t have any relationship whatsoever to erections. Remember sensuality. Rediscover massage for its own sake. Share a fabulously smutty conversation about what you’d like to do to each other tomorrow.
不要忽视“非插入式性交”（outercourse）。切记性福之乡，包含着一大片和勃起与否、插入与否，都毫不相干的广袤疆域。不要忘记感官肉欲的多元多样。肌肤接触，未必是插入的前戏，其本身也可以是终极目的。就算天下无屌，也能肏与被肏；明天你想咋搞，快和爱侣聊聊！
你真会越来越匮乏吗？
Section titled “你真会越来越匮乏吗？”Are You Really Going to Starve?
When you try to decide what limits you want to the openness of your relationship, it’s not always easy to tell which fears are based on reality and which on fear or illusion. First, you have to pinpoint the areas in your life where you feel insure, where you perceive the possibility of deprivation—which requires a lot of self-searching and honesty. It helps to ask, “What am I afraid might happen?”
究竟有哪些因素，限制你拥有开放多彩的性爱关系？当你思索于此，恐怕往往会很难区分：哪些顾虑真正基于客观现状，哪些是你脑补出来的幻象，自己吓唬自己。为此，你首先要搞清楚，在你日常生活中，那些令你缺乏安全感、担心“失去什么”的顾虑，究竟源自哪里？回答上述问题，需要下大功夫，来进行自我探究，还需要下很大决心，坦诚面对自我。不妨这样问自己: “我所恐惧的最坏可能，究竟是个什么情形？”
Is your partner’s fondness for his friend really going to make him fall out of love with you? What if your partner doesn’t think you’re special any more? What if your partner is so ecstatically happy that she doesn’t need you? Why would your partner ever want you, anyway? There are some of the horrible little thoughts that pop up in our minds when you’re scared of starving.
当你的伴侣，爱上了ta的朋友，这是不是意味着，ta已对你失去性趣、失去爱意？当你不再被伴侣“另眼相看”，接下来怎么办？如果伴侣无需有你在身旁，也能得到性福，也能欣喜若狂，你还有个啥用？你的伴侣为何会在当初，无论如何都离不开你（反观现在，则大相径庭）？——当我们对亲密关系产生“饥荒恐惧”时，这类“自己吓唬自己”的闹心问题，就难免会纷至沓来。
You need to decide whether the thing you fear is actually possible or something that probably won’t happen. Then you need to choose what you want to do about it. Frequent check-ins, good communication to keep you aware of whether anyone’s feeling deprived or over-extended, and lots of internal reality checks (is your disappointment that he couldn’t get it up really just that, or is it anger or jealousy over his date last night?) can help. We’ll talk later about how to get reassurance and support when you’re afraid.
你需要明确，你所担心害怕的种种，哪些真的会发生，哪些是你脑补出来的假想敌。接下来，你需要作出选择，明确自己究竟想要什么。经常反思自查，并做好人际之间的沟通交流，这能让你对其ta人的感受，保持敏感的觉察: “此人究竟是认为我给得不够，感觉自己被亏欠了，还是觉得我在某些方面做过头了？”此外，多多审视自己的内在问题，大有裨益。例如，你昨晚和他约，之所以感到失望，是仅仅因为他“硬不起来”，还是包含了你自己的愤怒或者嫉妒？在下面的章节，我们还会对“如何获得安全确定感，和受支持感”，进行更多的探讨。
局限亦可拓宽
Section titled “局限亦可拓宽”Limits Can Stretch
Sometimes, you just have to try it and see. The old chestnut “If you love something, let it go” is sentimental, but more than a kernel of truth lies at its core. In the same way that dieters are sometimes counseled to let themselves get hungry in order to see what that feels like and learn that they can survive the feeling, you may need to let yourself feel deprived, simply to prove yourself that feeling deprived isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes letting go of one pleasure opens your eyes to another that was there from the start; sometimes a new one comes along, sometimes you find out you don’t need it all that much right now anyway. We can’t tell you what letting will feel like; all we can do is assure you that you will learn something from it. Scary…and satisfying.
有时候，你只需尝试放手、放松，看看结果到底如何，就足够了。古人云，“千金散尽还复来”，这句老话未免有些煽情，但也确实在某种程度上道出了事实真相。就像一些节食、断食之人，刻意让自己体验饥肠辘辘的滋味，以便从中确知: 自己能够挺过去，饿不死。你也可以采取类似的做法，刻意置身于“感到自己被剥夺殆尽”的境况，进而意识到: “这其实也没啥大不了。”对某种舒适状态果断“放手”，缘生缘灭顺其自然，有时，会让你忽然发觉还有另一份良缘，恰好在你昔日的起点，静候你回头是岸。还有些时候，则是“旧的不去新的不来”。有时你会发觉，你所极端依恋、害怕失去的东西，其实并没有那么重要。顺其自然的放手，究竟是什么感觉，我们很难描述清楚，但我们可以确定，你可以从中学到很多，大有收获——尽管你会提心吊胆、惴惴不安，但之后的发展，更会令你无悔此行、心得意满。
Learning new things takes time, so give yourself plenty. It can be useful to get clear with what you are working on learning right now—like how to feel safe and sexy and special when your partner is out on a date—and promise yourself you will learn the next thing, well, next. Every change, small or large, is accomplished one step at a time, so work on this step today, and you’ll be ready for the next one tomorrow or maybe next week—working on today’s step is how you get ready for tomorrow.
学习新事物，开启新生活，需要你为自己留出足够多的时间。明确此时此刻，你正在努力学习什么技能、想要达成什么目的，这非常重要。例如你的努力方向，是当你的伴侣外出和其ta人约会时，你怎样才能让自己学会保持平常心，安心淡定，并对自己的性魅力和其他种种特质，都保持自信。同时，你还要让自己不断走得更远，去学习、尝试更多的新事物。你的任何改变，无论大小多少，都是你业已取得的成就，和继续前行的动力，也是你将来应对种种状况的经验值积累。今天的前行，就是对明天的准备。