第21章 性爱、快感、情趣

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE Sex and Pleasure

SEX IS NICE and pleasure is good for you. We’ve said this before, and it bears repeating. In our present lives, your authors enjoy sex for its own sake, and it feels natural and comfortable, but we want you to know that it wasn’t always this easy for us. In a culture that teaches that sex is sleazy, nasty, dirty, and dangerous, a path to a free sexuality can be hard to find and fraught with perils while you walk it. If you choose to walk this path, we congratulate you and offer you support, encouragement, and—most important of all—information. Start with the knowledge that we, and just about everybody else who enjoys sex without strictures, learned how to be this way in spite of the society we grew up in—and that means you can learn too.

性爱令人舒爽；快乐于你有益。这个事实，笔者在前面讲过，但依然值得反复说。本书的两位作者，这些年来，仅仅为了追求性快乐，而追求性快乐：性快乐本身就是终极目的。笔者对此保持自然而言的平常心，和乐在其中的舒适感——然而，即使笔者这样的资深老婊，每时每刻都照此去做，也并不容易。主流的社会文化，随时随地都在对我们毁之不倦地灌输：“露骨的性爱内容，是低俗淫秽的，是令人反感的，是肮脏下流的，更是害人害己、荼毒社会的危险品。” 要想摸索出一条通往性自由——关于“性”的方方面面，都不需要枷锁和牢笼——的可行之路，不但困难重重，而且即使找到了这样的道路，当你走在其间，也会遍布“正人君子”之流的明枪暗箭。如果你已决心走上这条道路，笔者衷心向你道贺，一边向你“传授交流犯罪方法”，一边为你煽风点火、打气加油；最重要的是，为你提供资讯。走上这条道路的第一步，是关于性爱的知识：笔者，以及每一个不甘于身心受禁锢的性情中人，都摸索出了很多可靠的经验，足以对我们自幼受其熏陶的社会文化进行解毒；这一切，你也同样可以掌握。

性爱，究竟是什么？

What Is Sex, Anyway?

The word “sex”gets used as though everyone agrees on what it means, but if you ask people what they actually do when they have sex, you’ll hear about a huge range of behaviors and interactions.

“性爱”一词的用法，似乎大家都对其含义，有着一致共识；但是，如果你向大家询问“在进行性爱时，到底做了些什么”，你会听到形形色色、五花八门的个体行为和人际互动。

We have talked before about sex being part of everything and about everything being part of sex. Now let’s talk about the parts that most people call sex—the parts that involve lips and nipples and clits and cocks and orgasms. Sex may involve these parts, but we don’t think it’s about them; the genitals and other erogenous zones are the “how,” not the “what.”

笔者在前文中说过：性，可以成为普天之下任何事物的某些方面；与此同时，普天之下的任何事物，也都难免包含着某些“性化”的视角、某种意义上的“涉性内容”。现在，我们不妨先从大多数人对“性爱”的看法出发，谈谈有关嘴唇、乳头、阴蒂、鸡巴和性高潮的那些方面。一场性爱，有可能会涉及到上面所提到的那几个“关键词”，然而，笔者并不认为，“性爱”的含义，和那几个词汇有什么关系；或者说，无论是外生殖器官，还是令人引发性欲望和性快感的部位，都只和“性爱会是怎样发生、怎样进行”有关，但无法定义“性爱究竟是什么”。

The “what”—what sex actually is—is a journey into an extraordinary state of consciousness, where we tune out everything extraneous to our emotions and our senses in this very moment, travel into a realm of delicious sensation, and soak in the deep connection that we share in sex. This journey is a voyage of awakening, as if the nerves whose job it is to transmit feelings of delight had been lying asleep but have suddenly leaped to attention, aflame, in response to a nibble or a caress.

性爱究竟是什么？笔者认为，性爱是一场旅行，步入非同寻常、格外美妙的意识状态之中：在这一刻，我们的种种情绪和知觉，都不再受到任何外在事物的左右；我们游历到一个甜美可人的感官世界；并且，我们和共享这种欢愉的性伴侣，沉浸于深层次的灵肉交融。这样的旅行，是一场不断自我觉醒的航程；我们身上那些专门负责传递快乐感受的神经，仿佛之前一直在沉睡，但随着性爱中的一小口轻咬或热吻、一个彼此爱抚的肌肤触感，而突然惊醒，一跃而起，变得全神贯注。

Perhaps what we call foreplay is a way of seeing just how awake we can get—all excited attention from our earlobes and ankles out to the ends of our hair—the prickling of the scalp, the tingling in the arch of the foot. The glorious miracle of sexual anatomy is that any of these awakenings can set off the swelling in the loins, lips, nipples, cocks, and cunts, which awakens lots more intense nervous networks buried inside us, till we are all lit up like fireworks.

也许，那些被我们称为“前戏”的举动，是一条自我唤醒、自我实现的途径——让我们从耳垂到脚踝乃至每一根毛孔的末梢，都专注于当下的性奋；让我们从头皮到脚底的全身上下，都仿佛有电流通过一般。性奋时的身体，所产生的一个伟大奇迹，是任何一种方式的“身心唤醒”，都能让身体的很多其他部位——例如阴部、嘴唇、乳头、屌、屄——都顿时振奋起来，并带动着更多埋藏我们体内的神经网络，也一起从沉睡中苏醒：这一刻，我们的身心，就像像升天的焰火，激情燃烧，光彩照人。

Sex is anything you do or think or imagine that sets the train in motion: a scene in a movie, a person on the street you think is hot, swelling buds of wildflowers bursting in a meadow, a fragrance that opens your nose, the warm sun on the back of your head. Then, if you want to pursue these gorgeously sexy feelings, you can increase the swelling tension, and your sensual focus, with any kind of thinking or touching or talking that humans can devise: stroking, kissing, biting, pinching, licking, vibrating, not to mention erotic art and dance and hot music and silky stuff next to our skin.

一切能够促成上述连锁反应的事物——可以是你的某种行为，也可以是你的某些念头或者见闻——都属于性爱的范畴。性爱对你而言，可以是一场电影中的某个画面；可以是对街上的某个人，怦然心动的惊鸿一瞥；可以是草丛中绽放的野花，散发出迎面而来的芬芳；可以是温暖的阳光，洒在你的身上……如果你想要拥有这些异彩纷呈的性爱体验，就需要针对人类一切可能发生的念头、触感和言谈，刻意提升自己对性爱的感知力和敏感度，并且格外关注自己的情色欲望和身心反应。在此略举几例，以求抛砖引玉：抚摸、接吻、情咬、捏弄、用舌头舔、用震动棒之类的性爱玩具……更不用说各种色情文艺、黄色作品，或者舞蹈与情歌，以及贴近肌肤的丝滑之物。

So sex covers a much larger territory than genital stimulation leading to orgasm. Sex that’s limited to perfunctory foreplay and then a race down the express track to orgasm is an insult to the human capacity for pleasure.

总之，性爱所包含的范围，远比可能达到高潮的外阴刺激，要宽泛得多。若将性爱的词义，局限于“径直通往性高潮的过程，顶多再加上简短敷衍的前戏”，这严重贬低了你生而为人，所拥有的获取性快感的能力，简直就是“侮辱自己的智商”。

Here’s a happy way to answer the question of what is sex: if you or your partner is wondering whether you’re having sex at any given moment, you probably are. We like to use an expanded definition of sex, including more than genitals, more than intercourse,more than penetration, and, while we definitely wouldn’t leave them out, much more than the stimulations that lead to orgasm. We like to think that all sensual stimulation is sexual, from a shared emotion to a shared orgasm. One friend of ours, a professional sex worker, remembers:

这里有个非常有趣的方法，能够针对“什么是性爱”的问题作出解答：如果在某个场合，你或者你的伴侣，忽然对“我们此刻所做的事情，究竟是不是性爱”产生了疑问，那么，你们很可能就是在“做爱”——做广义的性爱之事。笔者对“性爱”一词的用法，会按照其广义的外延、扩充后的定义域，其范围远远超出了外阴部位，超出了生殖器官的“交合”，超出了插入式性行为；至于以上所列举的那些，只要它能够唤起你对“性”的感受，能够令你比日常状态更加接近性高潮，那就毫无疑问，对你而言也属于“性爱”的一部分。总之，笔者将所有的性欲唤起、感官刺激的方式——从情感的交流，到高潮的共享——都视为“和性爱有关”。本书两位作者的一个共同朋友，也是一名颇具职业素养的性工作者，如此回忆道：

I’d had a regular session with this guy once before, but one day he showed up, put $400 on the table, and said that he just wanted to talk. So we lay down together on the futon and talked all evening. It was one of the most intensely sexual experiences of my life; it felt like being in love. We were in this profound heart chakra communication, a space of pure communion that felt luscious and sweet, as thick as honey. We were close enough that we could feel the heat of each other’s bodies, almost but not quite touching—we tried touching a couple of times, and it diminished the energy. We were so turned on I felt nauseous. It was mind-boggling.

曾有一个小伙子，是我的常客。有一天，他来到我面前，在桌子上放了400美元，说他只想和我聊聊天。于是，我们躺在蒲团上，一起聊天，就这样度过了整个傍晚时光。这是我这辈子，最为刻骨铭心、永志难忘的性爱经历之一，当时我的感受，就像正在恋爱。那次“超常能量，就在心房，思维沟通，彼此畅享”的聊天，堪称是一个纯洁的交流空间，为我带来灵肉交欢的满足感，甜美如蜜。我俩挨得很近，彼此都能感受到对方的心跳，却没有真正的肢体接触——很多次，我俩都试图触摸彼此，但这样做只会降低我们交谈的热情，白白消耗我们的能量。那一次，我们都将自己的身心，投入到了极致，这甚至导致我有些肠胃不适，想要干呕。那是一场奇幻的旅程，除非亲身经历，否则根本无法想象。

When we expand our concept of what sex is, and let that be whatever pleases us today, we free ourselves from the tyranny of his hydraulics, the chore of getting her off, perhaps even birth control and barriers, if we decide that outercourse is perfectly good sex in and of itself.

当我们将“性爱是什么”的理念，进行延伸拓展，将一切令我们灵肉交欢的事物都囊括其中，尤其是，多多关注和尝试各种各样的“非插入式性行为”——也就是那些不涉及“体内插入”的性爱方式——并且将这类玩法作为性爱的最佳选项，那么，前文谈到的“苛酷的水荒”，就不再是限制我们的樊笼；“如何让她赶快高潮，从我身上滚下来”的“交公粮”重担，也将由此瓦解、消弭；或许，连避孕和安全套，也将不再是我们的烦恼，从此变得无关紧要。

Pleasure is good for you. So do what pleases you, and don’t let anybody else tell you what you ought to like, and you can’t go wrong.

性快感是人生中的美好事物。因此，尽管放开自己，去做那些令你感到爽快之事，这绝对不会有错；此外，如果别人对你指手画脚，告诉你“应该怎么做才爽、才对”，你根本不用理会。

把“纯净的爱”，带入你的性生活

Bringing Clean Love to Sex

Remember the clean love, in the moment and without expectations, that we talked about earlier in this book? It’s a skill you can bring to your sex life, and it’s based on getting present and accepting yourself.

我们在前面的章节——第13章《醋缸迷魂阵，有地图导航》的末尾附录——探讨过“纯净的爱”，也就是专注于此时此刻的当下，除此之外再无任何预设期待和贪求，你大概还记得吧？你不妨将这个技能，带入你的日常性生活之中；而其中的“基本功”，在于养成“活在当下”的习惯，尤其是，要能够充分接纳自己、认可自己。

Cast your mind back to your childhood, some time you remember being happy. Children are naturally adept at being in the moment. To recover that consciousness, take yourself to a park and investigate that interesting twig you’ve found in the interesting dirt. Go to a beach and take your shoes off. Wade at the water’s edge; how do your toes feel, in the grass, the sand, the surf? Dig a hole in the sand while the tide is coming in. Pay attention to your surroundings; pay attention to your experience.

回想你的童年，那些令你难忘的快乐时光。童年的你，自然而然地“活在当下”，这是你与生俱来的良知良能。如今的你，同样可以恢复本真、明心见性：你不妨步入公园，尽力寻找大自然的趣味与美好，例如从可爱的泥土中，发现那些可爱的草木嫩枝。或者到海边，脱掉鞋袜，光着脚丫，踩着岸边的浅水，用心体会每一个脚指头，在水草、沙滩或海浪中的每一刻感受。你还可以在潮水所能波及的沙滩上挖个洞。在此过程的始终，你要用心感受周围的环境，用心感受的自己的身心体验。

Then pay that same rapt, joyous attention to your beloved; this will probably feel good. So do it some more—you are a nice person, so is your beloved, you both deserve to feel good.

接下来，你就可以将同样的倾心专注、同样全力以赴的快乐感知，献给你的所爱之人；此中的美好，显而易见，毋庸赘言。既然如此，你就不妨多多益善地不断去做：你是一个美好、可爱之人，你的爱人，也同样如此；你们彼此，都理当拥有美好感受。

Hands on skin is a great way to get into the present, into connection, and into love. Wash each other’s feet, find some lotion, and massage your lover’s feet. Take turns. Put aside future tripping: will this lead to sex? Who cares? The two of you are in the moment, feeling your feet.

用手触摸肌肤，是个绝佳的方式，让彼此都能很快进入状态，形成充满爱意的身心联结。你和所爱之人，不妨相互为对方洗脚：别忘了找些合适的润肤乳来涂抹；你先给爱人洗脚，然后轮到爱人为你洗脚。在此过程中，不要去想“下一步会怎样”、“能否作为随后上床的前戏”——这根本无关紧要，鬼都不在意，你还操心个鸟？在此时刻，你们都只需专注于感受自己的脚丫。

Your authors are in no way opposed to the intense beauty of genital sex. But all of us need to work on paying attention to what we feel in the moment and to how that connects us to the people we love. We are not in the moment while we are planning the future. Too much wonderful sensual joy gets lost in projecting what will happen next. Learn to enjoy mystery, that little frisson up the spine when you realize that you’re on a path to something interesting. Follow that path and find out where it meanders; appreciate the miracle. Don’t miss the glories of the moment in your zeal to zoom up to the crotch like a superhighway, fast as ever you can. Effciency is not what we’re looking for here and now.

顺便一提，笔者并非在任何意义上，排斥或反对有生殖器官参与的性爱：这样的性爱，充满了激情的甜美。然而，笔者更建议我们当中的每一个人，在彼此的亲密接触中，针对“当下的彼此，究竟是怎样的感受”，以及“怎样与自己的情侣，建立身心连结”，多用点心，多些关注。一旦我们着眼于未来——总想着“为接下来的生殖器接触的性爱，做预热准备”之类——我们就偏离了此时此刻的当下。于是，由于忙着为“接下来的事情”做准备，我们白白丢弃了太多的性爱感官层面的精彩体验。 【很多对插入式性爱非常执著的人，“前戏”草草敷衍，双方往往并没有进入状态，没有相互调适到同样的频道；这导致随后的插入式性爱，质量也难免很不理想。于是，性生活变得越发无趣，甚至，和伴侣之间的性爱，变成“交公粮”的苦差。也许你已经注意到，译者对“前戏”、“后戏”，通常不是加引号，就是前面加上“所谓的”一词：因为在译者看来，“前戏”或者“后戏”之类的惯常说法，有着可能非常坑人的隐性含义。所谓的“前”或者“后”，给人的感觉，仿佛一本书的前言或者后记，并非正文，甚至，当且仅当“正文”存在，前言后记之类才有意义。换言之，“前戏”之类，仿佛理所当然地只能作为“正式性爱”或曰“插入式性爱”的餐前甜点、赛前热身；“插入式性爱”成为更高级的价值，而“前戏”最多只是其手段，甚至可有可无。——译者强烈反对“插入式性爱比‘前戏’更重要”的看法；在译者看来，只要爽就够了，采用何种方式，并无高下之分。只可惜，目前尚无其他更好并且被大家普遍接受的词汇，来替代“前戏”或者“后戏”这类惯常说法。——译者 】 要学会享受种种“不可思议之事”——那种透彻入骨、令人脊柱发出微颤的感觉，分明在让你知晓：此刻你正走在一条通往美好趣味的路上。此刻，你只需跟随自己的美好感受，在这条路上行走，顺其自然地觉察到这条路究竟会蜿蜒曲折地通往何方，尤其是，尽情欣赏沿途的胜景。当你为“裤裆部位”的性能量进行“预热”时，千万别像在高路公路上开车一样猴急，以至于白白错失掉这个过程中的种种美好；此时此刻，我们根本不用追求什么“效率”。

The feet are relaxing, you hear a groan of ecstasy: should you slide your hand up that gorgeous leg? Oops! Let go of that and get back to those tender, sensitive feet. Nobody can relax and feel their feet if they’re worrying about what you are going to do next. When you bring your full attention to making those feet feel better than they have ever felt before, you’re in the moment and so is your partner, lost in the bliss of a tingling, creamy instep. And when you are through, reconnect in a lovely hug or a sweet cuddle, and then figure out what you two would like to do next.

闲言少叙，继续回到“你和爱人，相互洗脚”。当足部已经放松，你的心中也许回荡着骚情的呻吟：“你的手，要不要顺着我的大腿，慢慢地往上滑？”——别急！先别想这些，把注意力继续集中在彼此最敏感的脚丫上。当你为“接下来该怎么做”而着急、焦虑，就无法让自己的双脚充分放松——换成任何人，都同样如此。反过来讲，当你专注于双脚部位，用心体验那些前所未有的美好感受，你和你的伴侣，就能够一起进入“彼此处于同一个频道”的状态，共同沉浸在足部的“丝滑天堂”之中。接下来，你们可以随兴所至，继续各种玩法，例如相互拥抱、爱抚；此时的你们，已经拥有了身心互动、彼此同频的默契。

Whatever that may be, vow to stay present with that too. Perfect presence and acceptance is an ideal, perhaps never to be perfectly achieved but transcendent even in the trying. It’s a joyous practice of letting go of what’s not needed right now, washing away all the grit and dust of your histories and expectations and opening yourself as completely as possible to meeting another person in the fullness of your open, waiting heart.

无论接下来，你们的互动，将如何进展，你都一定要确保自己的身心，随时专注于当下时刻。尽管“全心全意的投入，和毫无保留的接纳”，是一种注定无法做到完美的理想状态；但这座永不达巅的山峰，正可以让我们永无止境地试探，日高日新，惊喜不断。放空“与当下无关”的一切，把执着于既往经验和未来期许的“尘灰沙砾”，全都洗刷干净，从而让自己的心扉完全敞开，等待着和另一个人（你的所爱之人），尽最大可能，实现同频同感、同步同欢：这样的实践，是共同缔造一片性福无疆的快感乐园！

你会面对怎样的困难？

What Obstacles Do You Face?

Good sex seems as though it ought to be easy—but often, in our experience, it is not. Everything from ignorance to distraction can get in the way of responsible, enjoyable sex. Here’s our A-list of fun-spoilers:

美好的性爱，“按道理讲”，似乎应该很简单；然而客观事实，却远非如此，这是我们众所周知的经验之谈。从认知谬误、愚昧盲目，到首鼠两端的自我内心冲突：与之相关的一切因素，都会成为“安享性福、美美与共”的绊脚石、障碍物。以下是一份“扫兴鬼”的黑名单：

反性、仇性的社会文化，灌输给我们的“性有害论”、“性羞耻观”

SEX-NEGATIVE CULTURAL MESSAGES

At the top of the list, many of us start out paralyzed by shame and embarrassment, even after we figure out that we don’t want to be embarrassed by sex. Shame, and the beliefs we were taught that our bodies, our desires, and sex are dirty and wrong, make it very hard to develop healthy sexual self-esteem. Many of us spent our adolescences consumed with guilt for our sexual desires, our fantasies, and our masturbation, long before we managed to pull anything off with another human. When we did connect with others, many of us spent those encounters obsessing about our performance, often so busy worrying if we were doing it wrong that we forgot to notice how good it felt.

这是阻碍我们畅享性福的罪魁祸首。我们当中的很多人，尽管在理智层面，已然明确“性爱并无‘见不得人’之处”，却已然会在会在和性爱有关的现实生活中，因“拉不下脸皮”、“不好意思”，而畏首畏尾、裹足不前。我们之所以很难心安理得地无视“公序良俗”、光明磊落地张开双腿，做个内心阳光十足的婊子，究其病根，正是因为我们自幼被灌输的那些混账观念——例如“某些身体部位，必须像见光死的洞穴老鼠一样保持私密”、“某些性欲望是逆天悖理的，必须竭力克制其萌芽”、“某些和‘性’有关的事物，是淫秽的，是不雅、不洁的令人作呕之物”——导致我们对和“性”沾边的林林总总，都难免在某种意义上，或多或少地心存羞耻感。我们当中的很多人，都早在情窦初开之前，早在想要和某个人在某种程度上交往之前，其青春岁月，已然被“性负罪感”、“性有害论”的垃圾填满，连自慰都担心有害健康或者被人发现，连性幻想都羞羞答答鬼鬼祟祟。于是，当我们在现实生活中，和其ta人进行性爱交往时，往往内心充满纠结，包括自我疑虑，生怕自己做错了什么；在这种状态下，“享受当下的美好时刻”，被我们抛诸脑后。

When our desires and fantasies stretch further than a monogamous marriage with a member of the opposite sex, we suffer additional attacks on our self-acceptance—to some, we are sex-crazed perverts, deserving objects of scorn to others and, all too often, ourselves.According to some people, even God hates us. It’s hard to feel good about an expansive sexuality when you feel so bad about yourself that you just want to hide.

尤其是，如果我们多元多样的身心欲望，其中的某些方面，超出了“一对一封闭式婚姻”的范围，涉及到一些“离经叛道”的性趣，我们就会更加痛苦、纠结，难以接受这样的自己。在这种情况下，我们在一些人的眼中，是邪淫者、变态狂，理应被大家唾弃，甚至为天地鬼神所不容。——我们往往将这些外界的污名，内化于自己的心中，导致自我疑虑、自我厌弃。当你竭力掩饰内心的“自我负面评价”之时，即使有缘经历了很多“出格的”性爱，也很难从中真正得到美好的感受。

【对和自身性欲望有关的种种，不但要洗刷掉后天被灌输的羞耻感，而且，也不要把自己的性能力性经验之类，当作引以为荣之事，甚至当作自尊心的支柱——否则，一旦性能力“发生问题”，自尊心就会备受打击甚至轰然坍塌。（译者十几岁时，不止一次读到李敖先生炫耀自己“从不阳痿”的吹嘘文字，便有了上述的感想，为此受益至今；有些时候，“反面教材”可以是另一种类型的良师。）一个为科学界公认却又鲜为人知的常识是：很多胎儿都会在母亲的子宫里，经常用嘴刺激阴部，自慰；大多数婴幼儿，“夹腿”之类的自慰更为常见（“夹腿综合症”的说法，是全然错误、亟需淘汰的词汇，一如女性所谓的“宫颈糜烂”，根本不是病症，而是一种极其常见的正常情况）。这完全没有任何关于荣辱、面子或者“礼义廉耻”的妄想、分别、执著，只要自己喜欢、感觉舒爽，就足够了，就可以不断重复，乐在其中，当然，也无所谓“过度”，不会影响健康。以平常心，尽情享受性快感，是生而为人，所天生具备的良知良能。性教育或曰性启蒙，在对待自身性快感的态度方面，不是让你“从中得到什么”，而是让你尽量彻底地洗刷掉后天被灌输的“性不洁观”、“性罪错论”等污垢，恢复自性具足的乐享性福的本能，正如孟子所说的“求放心”（重新找回被放弃掉的本真之心）。——行文至此，似有必要再说一些“题外话”：译者举出很多胎儿天生就会自慰的事实，绝不希望有人以此为由，将胎儿视为享有人权的自然人，进而反对孕妇自主自愿的堕胎。无论世界各国，反对堕胎的种种理念，究其来源，和当代主流科学无关，和政教分离的自由民主思想无关，普遍出自宗教信仰，尤其是基督教和佛教。然而，那些反对堕胎的“宗教情怀”，其实是“被发明的传统”，并非真正的教义。以基督教论：《圣经》中唯一直接提及“堕胎”的，是在“出埃及记”中：“人若彼此争斗，伤害有孕的妇人，甚至坠胎”；而对此类事件的判决，是“按妇人的丈夫所要的”，来进行惩罚或者补偿。也就是：将因暴力冲突导致的非孕妇自愿的流产，视为孕妇丈夫的财产损失；胎儿仅仅涉及其父的物权，并无独立的人格权利。旧约的律法，在新约中，被耶稣基督以爱之名，全面升级换代；耶稣的博爱言行，涉及人类各个阶层，但他对胎儿，平生只字未提，毫不关心。此外，基督教也没有“虚岁”的说法，自古以来的传统，便是将每个人出生脱离母体之日，视为其人生的起点，“胎儿期”根本不算数。在基督教思想史上，直到中世纪后期的托马斯·阿奎那（1225～1274），才开始讨论和鼓吹胎儿的“生命权”。但阿奎那也是有“原罪”的凡人，绝无耶稣的神性；阿奎那的任何观点，都绝非“新修版神谕”，足以超克新旧约圣经、超克基督教在他之前的一贯传统。何况，包括阿奎那在内，从没有任何基督教的古典学者，试图考证圣母玛利亚“何月何日受胎”，将其作为值得庆祝的佳节；基督教的圣诞节，从来都特指“耶稣脱离圣母玛利亚的身体，降临世间之日”（东正教固守儒略历，定为1月7日；其他教派普遍按照当代通用的公历，定于12月25日）。未出母体的耶稣“圣胎”，尚且被基督教神学界，普遍不予理会，何况凡人的胎儿？再以佛教论：佛教坚信“众生平等”，因为按照其教义，一切未曾开悟证果的平凡之辈，都在六道轮回中，随着各自的业力、机缘，不断扮演不同的角色；有着生老病死或曰成住坏空的肉体，就像戏台上的服装，这出戏唱完了，“尽此一报身”，就离开前台返回后台，换作下一出的戏服：“生死疲劳”的轮回，如此无止无休。换言之，所有的人，都曾在过去无量大劫的生生世世中，既扮演过鸡鸭鹅之类的畜生，也扮演过天道和地狱道的角色，任何时候的任何角色都不是“真我”。这就是佛家“众生平等”的道理所在（至于脱离六道轮回者，例如佛陀、菩萨、阿罗汉、辟支佛，就像已经渡过江河、脱离洪泛区之人，对尚未渡河脱险的灾区父老，断无歧视、轻蔑之理，佛陀亦与六道众生平等）。而佛教的任何戒律——哪怕按照传入中国后，由梁武帝大力推行、比佛经戒律更加严格的素食清规——都从来没有任何一句“忌食禽蛋类”的明文规定，包括根本不考虑所食之蛋是否受精、是否能孵出小鸡小鸭；对“孵了一半”的毛鸡蛋，戒律也未提及，“法无禁止即可行”。换言之，卵生的众生，只要尚未破壳而出，其眼耳鼻舌身，尚未接触外部的世界，就绝不会被佛教教义，视为“慈心不杀”的戒律保护对象。至于一些佛教徒不吃蛋类，纯属个人选择、个人口味，或曰个人机缘，佛家典籍对此既不反对也不提倡。佛教对禽蛋类的态度，按照众生平等的教义，完全可以类比母体胎儿，正如人与畜生家禽，亦可相提并论（何况，较之腹内胎儿，禽蛋已经完全脱离母体，更无关母体的安危、健康）。由此可见，孕妇是否终止妊娠，以及医生是否为孕妇进行流产服务，按照佛教教义的逻辑，其性质，和“吃或不吃鸡蛋鸭蛋”类似，全凭自主选择，无论何去何从都无关对错，“业报”的差异亦可忽略不计。综上所述，无论基督教还是佛教，按照《圣经》或者佛经典籍，均无堕胎禁忌。以基督信仰之名反堕胎，等于把自己的某些想法，当作“神的话”：这未免骄傲自大到把自己视为上帝、把一己私见当作金牛犊进行崇拜的地步。以佛教之名反堕胎，等于篡改佛法、自造戒律，哪怕出于好心好意，以客观效果论，恐怕也无异于故意在佛教徒中制造分裂对立的“破和合僧”者。同时，基督教反对杀人、提倡人与人的互爱；佛教反对杀生，倡导治病救人。所以，当胎儿和孕母的安全健康发生冲突、难以兼顾时，唯有坚决的“保娘不保胎”，才符合“信·望·爱”或者“我佛慈悲”的宗教情怀：这一点，与众多流派的当代世俗伦理，包括无神论人道主义，都完全契合、殊途同归。——译者 】

对自己身体外貌的主观评判，尤其是自我苛责

BODY IMAGE

None of us look sexy enough. The advertising and fashion industries see fit to line their coffers by making us all feel bad about our bodies so that we will buy more clothes, makeup, cosmetic surgery, or whatever in a desperate attempt to feel okay about how we look to others. The perfume industry floods us with images designed to convince us that we smell bad (and if we smell worse than these highly synthesized scents, we must smell very bad indeed). Even those lucky souls who are young and thin and cute suffer from constant worry about how they look: why else do you think they throng to gyms and aerobic classes?

我们当中的任何人，都不可能拥有“足够性感”的外表，时时刻刻处处都完美无瑕、性感爆棚。广告行业和时尚产业，有一种这是“理所应当”的敛财手段：为我们洗脑灌输“形象气质不够好”的感受，促使我们唯有购买更多的服装、化妆品，或者花钱去做医美手术，才能够在别人的目光下沾沾自喜，才能够暂时缓解对自己外貌的焦虑。还有那些香水公司，总会设法让我们觉得“自己身体的气味很糟糕”（如果非要以人工合成的特殊香味，作为基准参照系，现实中的任何人，确实无法与之相比，难免自惭形秽）。即使那些无比幸运，天生丽质，并且正处于青春年华的幸运儿，也会经常担心自己在别人眼中不够美好，内心为此充满煎熬——否则的话，这些人又为何普遍热衷于健身房和有氧操课呢？

The more people you want to share sex with, the more people you are going to have to expose your naked body to, so there you are. To enjoy a free sexuality, you need to come to terms with the body you are living in, unless you want to wait till you lose twenty pounds, which could take forever, or until you look younger—don’t hold your breath. Do remember: your sexiness is about how you feel, not how you look.

你和更多的人发生性关系，就意味着，你的裸体会暴露在更多人面前——这是明摆着的情形。换言之，只有学会充分接纳自己的肉身，才能乐享与“性”（广义）有关的种种自由。如果你非要先让自己瘦身二十磅，或者让自己看上去更年轻，才能自我接纳，那么，说句大实话（你别吃惊！），你的目标可能永远都无法实现，自由的性福，也将和你绝缘。一定要记住：你的性感魅力，在于你的自我感觉，而不是在于你的外表怎样。

【练习题】买些具有性意味的物品

EXERCISE Buy Something Sexy

Go to a store, any store—a discount clothing store, a thrift store, a lingerie store, a sex toy store—and buy yourself something sexy. Something that feels sexy to your body today. Sensual is a good place to start—anything from silk to soft new flannel or really fine cotton. Loose-fitting or tight, it doesn’t matter what it looks like as long as you feel good in it. What colors are sexy to you? Rich deep shades, delicate hues? What expresses your inner slut? Close your eyes and feel your way through the racks. Leather and velvet are divine to the touch, so invite the touch you dream of. Even some denims are startlingly sensual, so try buying your jeans by feel. Let go of what anything is supposed to be, and let your skin choose what it wants. Go home and parade around in it.

去逛一逛商店，任何商店都行——比如，降价打折的服装店，二手物品商店，女式内衣店，性爱玩具店——给自己买一些具有性意味的物品。这里的“性意味”，指的是，按照你此时此刻的感受，某件物品和你自己的身体比较般配，能够让你显得更加性感。你不妨从自己的肌肤感受出发：某件丝绸制品、法兰绒制品或者纯棉制品，可能有着很好的肌肤触感。衣服的松紧，并不重要，只要你觉得舒服，就足够了。有哪些颜色，会让你觉得更性感——例如，色彩浓重华美的深色阴影，或者柔和的色调？你觉得有哪些东西，能够彰显你内在的婊气？上述问题的答案，都需要你在实践中摸索。皮革和天鹅绒制品，既然触感很不错，那就别嫌贵，喜欢就去买，让自己的梦想得以实现吧。就连一些粗布衣服，也有感官刺激的效果，比如牛仔裤之类，也不妨试试看。任何东西都不放随心所欲地尝试，你的肌肤触感，是最好的欲望向导。买回家之后，别忘了，要好好自我欣赏一番喔！

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人人都在走向衰老，都难免残障不便

AGE AND DISABILITY

It is foolish and rude to assume that people with physical disabilities don’t enjoy sex. Differently abled people may indeed engage in differently organized forms of sexuality, but that doesn’t mean no sex at all. People with spinal cord injuries who have lost all sensation below the neck report orgasms: there is a lesson here for all of us about how sensitive our ears and lips can actually get.

认为身体有残障的人“无缘性福”，这种观点既没大脑，也没良心。几乎每个人都有属于自己的不同能力，由此构建属于自己的性爱方式；即使某个人在这方面的能力“与众不同”，也并不意味着此人“没有性爱”。例如一些脊柱受伤导致脖子以下失去知觉的人，耳朵、嘴唇等部位，反而倍加敏感：这样的事实，对我们而言，是非常可贵的一课。

Sex for a person with physical disabilities is not that different from any other form of sex. Focus on what you can do, what you can feel, what feels good, and how to go about experiencing the most intense feelings that this particular body can feel. Learn about your body just as any other person does. What supports you in moving or reaching? How can you deal with any medical appliances? What safety precautions must you keep in mind?

如果你的身体，有某些残障不便，你的性爱，和所谓的健全之人（无论任何人采用任何一种性爱方式），并无不同。归根结底而言，依然是前文所述的那几条要点：你只需专注于“我此刻能够做什么”、“我能够感受到什么”、“什么样的事物，能为我带来美好的感受”，以及，“如何让我这个身体所能体验到的最强烈快感，得以实现”。了解你自己的身体，这对于每个人而言，操作方法都是一样的。除此之外，你还需要不断探索和明确以下几个问题：当你移动身体，或者想要触碰什么时，有哪些支持因素，可以帮你实现？你对自己所需的医疗器械，怎样行之有效地操作使用？有哪些安全守则，你需要事先明确，并且严格遵守？

Most important of all, what do you like? People who have lost physical abilities in accidents may spend a long time rediscovering what this new body can do and feel—finding what feels good is the joyful part of the journey. People disabled from birth or childhood often get treated as nonsexual beings; they may need to go to work when they grow up to discover what their sexuality can be.

最重要的一点是：你究竟喜欢什么、渴望什么？很多因意外事故，而丧失一些身体机能的人，都会花费很长时间，来重新发现自己目前的身体，究竟能够做什么，能够感受什么——在这场重新开始的旅途中，一定不要忘记：去探索那些能够让你得到美好感受和人生快乐的事物。而那些先天残障，或者在童年时期残障的人，往往会在身边的众人看来，“一点也不性感，此生和性爱无缘”；然而，当此类残障者逐渐长大，不得不为自身生计而设法工作赚钱时，其“性意识”就可能觉醒，就会肯定自己的性欲望和性魅力。

Don’t forget the advantages of using tools—vibrators tap into the entire electrical grid for their strength and endurance and never get repetitive stress injuries. Implements can reach where arms may not, and pillows can prop up any limbs that need propping.Medications—hormones that keep vaginas flexible and moist, pills that help sustain erections—can help with some of the sexual changes that relate to aging or health issues.

当你利用各种工具，就会带来诸多便利：对这一点，切莫忘记。比如震动棒，强劲而持久，永远不会“阳痿”或者“早泄”，因为其动力源，是整个地区的供电网络。还有一些工具，能够作为手臂的延伸，让你轻松触及手臂够不到的地方。就连枕头，几个落在一起，也能作为身体的支撑物（如果身体需要支撑的话）。此外还有医药制品，例如通过补充激素，能够让阴道内部保持弹性和湿润；还有一些药物，能够让阴茎勃起的时间更长：那些因为年龄增长或者健康问题，所导致的性能力衰退，由此便可而得到缓解和改善。

Investigate possibilities. Whether disabilities are visible, or invisible like asthma or diabetes, you get to explore what works for you and get cooperation from your partners to work around anything your body can’t do.

你需要着眼于新的机遇，着眼于“我可以得到什么”（而非“我无法做到”的事情）。无论你的残障失能，是“看得见摸得着”的，还是像哮喘或者糖尿病那样的隐痛，你都需要着手探寻“哪些事物，能够成为的我的助力”，以及，和伴侣一起，针对自身“无法继续做到的事情”，寻求解决方案、替代方案。

If the prospect of being a lover to a physically challenged person seems utterly strange to you, don’t forget that one day you will be old—at what age do you plan to give up enjoying sex? Will you just give up at the first obstacle, the first bit of arthritis that interrupts a nice thrash with a painful twinge? We do hope this book supports you in grasping your sexuality in any way that works for you. Remember, whatever the physical possibilities of the body you or your friend inhabits, the most important sexual organ is always found between the ears.

也许此刻，你觉得自己身体处处健全，更不认为自己会成为某个残障者的爱侣——然而别忘记，你也会变老：你打算在自己的多大年龄时，放弃对性爱的享受？难道，你会在第一次遇到困难时——例如，第一次因关节炎的疼痛而不利于床笫之欢——就自甘认命、屈服吗？笔者真心希望这本书，能够有助于你：无论在任何情况下，都能设法找到一些可行之策，让性快感得以持续。切记：无论你自己，或者你的好友伴侣，身体发生了怎样的变故，你们最重要的性爱器官，都永远在两耳之间，也就是每个人自己的头脑。 【在中国内地的性学界，活跃于世纪之交的独立学者李扁（“青爱工程”的发起人之一，另一位重要发起人是张银俊），也曾提出过“脑欲”之说，其主要内容包括：“性活动的本质，是性信息的产生、消耗、转换和衍化，因此，大脑是性器官之一；和其他性器官相比，大脑具有独特作用——足以对性活动的主要形式和信息过程，起到决定作用。”换言之，人类的性欲望，是身体欲望（例如“皮肤饥渴”）和“脑欲”的结合；尤其是，对性欲望的探究，绝不可忽视“脑欲”的巨大作用。——译者注 】

不靠谱的性资讯，真他爹的坑死人

SEX DISINFORMATION

Another obstacle on our course is inaccurate or just plain bad information we may have learned about sex. For many years, information about sexual behavior and basic functioning was censored, along with most other discussions of sexual pleasure. Depending on where you live in the culture now, you may or may not have access to good information. We need to politicize to protect our right to accurate and positive information about sex.

我们的性福课程，还有另一个难题，那就是我们长期以来所接触到的性资讯，有太多谬误。多年以来，我们所能看到的性资讯——从性行为，到和“性”有关的基础常识——都是被审查过滤之后的残渣；就连我们针对性快感的大部分讨论内容，都被审查过滤得七零八落，要么无法留下可靠的记录，要么被删改得面目全非。你能否得到可靠的性资讯，取决于你所生活的地区，有着怎样的制度文化、社会氛围。我们需要通过政治行动，来捍卫我们的权利，以确保我们能够获取可靠的、积极的性资讯。

To acquire a basic knowledge of sexual functioning and how the sexual response cycle works in men and women, we recommend strongly that you read one or several good books. Books about sex provide a lot of information—more than we can give you in a chapter—about how sex works and what you can do about it when it isn’t working as well as you’d like. Self-help exercises are usually provided for concerns about erections or orgasms, timing, coming too soon or too slowly, and what to do when you can’t find your turn-on. You can learn more strategies for safer sex and birth control and more language so you can more easily talk with your partners about all of this good stuff. Some clever sluts read a chapter a week of a good book with a partner and perhaps talk about it on Friday over dinner—a nice way to prepare for the weekend.

笔者在此强烈建议你，至少找一两本内容可靠的书籍，好好阅读，从中获取关于“性行为的生物学基础，和社会机制对性行为的塑造”、“各个性别的人群，其性反应周期的特点和成因”等方面的基础知识。关于性爱，有很多书籍，都能让你从中获取可靠的资讯，其内容之丰富，远远超出本书这一章；从“性爱如何实现”，到“一旦出现困难，应当如何解决”，只要你愿意从书籍之中探究，就能找到适用于你的解答。很多常见的问题和困扰——例如，勃起或高潮的障碍（时间的长短，来得太快或者太慢，等等）；以及，当你找不到“爽点”、难以性唤起时，应该怎么办——都能通过自助式阅读，得到有效应对。你还可以从书中，学到很多如何让性爱更加安全的技能，学到如何有效避孕，更能学到如何与伴侣，针对性爱的方方面面，实现更加有效的沟通、更加热辣的交流。有些聪明的婊子，每周和伴侣一起，共读一章好书，周五晚餐时，也许会就此进行交流：这对共度周末、共享温存，显然大有裨益。

These days there is also a lot of information and discussion on the Internet. We applaud this freedom of information, and we also want you to be careful, because much of the information you read and hear about sex will be inaccurate. Because sexology is such a new science, and because research into what people actually do in sex is difficult and often inconclusive, and because we as a culture have not talked explicitly about sex for a very long time, fairy tales abound, and reality can be hard to come by. Collect all the information you can, use what works for you, and take it all with a grain of salt. Fortunately, there’s lots of sex information available these days in books, magazines, podcasts, websites, and more-plenty to choose from. The best part of learning about sex is that you’ll love the homework.

如今在网上，也有很多关于“性”的资讯和讨论。笔者对性资讯自由开放，持赞同态度，但与此同时，笔者也建议你对网络资讯多加小心，因为你在网上接触的很多涉“性”内容，其可靠程度，难免参差不齐、鱼龙混杂。 【简体中文局域网亦然，例如鼓吹“戒色”有益健康、能够增进体能的“高论”，在网上一直有很多。信奉此类无稽之谈以及受其蛊惑者，“滚雪球”形成网络社区，时常相互“印证”此类谬论，共同固化各自的成见，排斥与之不同的事实和观点，形成自负、偏执、反智“三位一体”的信息茧房。——译者 】 由于性生理学是一门较为晚近的科学，由于针对人类性行为的实证研究，既有很多困难，又不容易得出黑白分明的定论，由于我们长期以来所处的社会文化，对直截了当、清晰明白的涉“性”话题的探讨，充满禁忌和钳制，导致各种神话、鬼话，一直层出不穷；而真实的情况、可靠的知识，则难以交流传播，更难积累沉淀。面对如此现实，你不妨尽可能全面地搜集更多涉“性”信息，从中选取能够对你有帮助的内容，并保持开放心态，不断“货比三家”，力求兼听则明。幸好，当今的很多书籍、杂志，以及网上的文字和视频，都有很多便于获取的性资讯，你可以从中进行对比参照，不断筛选和淘汰。上述的“性知识自我启蒙”，最美好的一点，在于能够让你享受这个过程，乐此不疲，乐在其中。

对涉“性”内容，表达能力欠缺，难以明确言说

SPEECHLESSNESS

If you can’t talk about sex, how can you think about it? The historical censorship of discussion about sex has left us with another disability: the act of talking about sex, of putting words to what we do in bed, has become difficult and embarrassing. Although most of us have had the experience of failed sexual functioning in one way or another, most of us never get the chance to get support from our friends and lovers about it—sexual dysfunction becomes our secret shame, a position from which it is virtually impossible to figure out a way to function better.

如果你对关于性爱的内容，根本难以启齿，或者无法清晰表达，那么，你又如何能够对“性”进行思考？长期以来的历史，一直对关于性爱的言说讨论，有很多的审查、限制，这导致我们就像自幼被裹了小脚一样，被“诲人不倦”地调教成残废——“性言说无能”，也就是找不到适当的语汇来描述“我自己在床上的所作所为”；其中既包括表达技能的欠缺，更包括心理的抵触和尴尬。尽管我们都难免会经历某种意义上的“性功能障碍”，但我们往往并未主动开口，向朋友或者所爱之人寻求帮助——性欲望在某些时候的下降，或者性行为的“能力缺失”，成为我们羞于启齿的秘密；这也导致我们丧失了很多“重建性福家园”的机会，任凭糟糕的现状，在羞耻和焦虑中雪上加霜。

What little language we can use to talk about sex is riddled with negative judgments. Either you speak in medical language of vulvas and penile intromission—which sounds like you need to be a doctor to talk about sex, so it must be a disease—or you have gutter language (fucking cunt, hard dick) that makes everything sound like an insult. What you can’t talk about, you can hardly think about—a crippling disability. People who can’t use words often resort to trying to communicate without words: pressing their partner’s head downward, moving their hips to try to get that tongue in just the right place, feigning ecstasy when a hand strays in vaguely the right direction…while hoping desperately that the bewildered partner will figure out what they’re trying to ask for. Wouldn’t it be easier if we could just say, “I would really love it if you ran your finger around my clit in a circle instead of up and down” or “I need you to grab my dick much harder”?

我们所能用来谈论涉“性”话题的词汇、语言，非但匮乏贫瘠得可怜，而且残破得千疮百孔，渗透了负面、贬义的价值评判内涵。如果你使用医学术语，例如阴户、阴茎、性交，听上去就像医生在探讨病情（和“性”有关的种种，似乎都成了病症）；如果你使用“上不得台面的话语”， 例如肏屄、硬屌，就会让一切讨论，都像是故意骂街。这就是我们所身处其中的怪圈，无能无力，形同残疾：无从言说，就意味着无法思索。有些人索性采用非语言的沟通方式，例如在性爱中，通过往下按压伴侣的头部，或者扭动自己的屁股，来告知伴侣“希望你的舌头，舔到我的哪里”；或者，只要对方偶然“摸对了对方”，令自己产生些许快感，便立刻装成特别爽的样子，哪怕只有半分爽，也表现得貌似一百分爽、一万分爽：上述种种做法，无非是为了告诉的伴侣，“照此方式，继续下去”，其背后，是对一直懵懵懂懂的伴侣，内心充满焦急，渴求伴侣能够“由此感受到”自己无法言说的心声。然而，上述的麻烦，完全可以解决，只要你能够直截了当地对伴侣说，“我希望你能够用你的手指，围绕着我的阴蒂转圈子，而不是上下拨弄它”，或者“我想让你再使点劲，握住我的老二”。

“自古华山一条路”的思维方式，“一根筋”认定单一目标

GOAL ORIENTATION

The tyranny of hydraulics is a tremendous obstacle to terrific sex, and not in the way that the manufacturers of Viagra would have you believe. Many people believe that if there is no penis with an erection, nothing sexy is happening. (Lesbians, of course, disagree most vehemently.) Many men feel they can’t even engage in foreplay while they are soft, and many women are insulted if they discover a soft penis while they are getting aroused. And still more people are completely nonplussed if the penis in question decides to release at a time that is inconvenient for the rest of the activity, as if there were no sex after ejaculation. We want to encourage you to think beyond the hydraulics of erection and allow your playful explorations to go wherever they want to go, no matter where the participants may be in the sexual response cycle.

还记得笔者在前文中，多次提及的“苛酷的水荒”吗？这是实现美好性爱的一个巨大阻碍。这里的美好性爱，并不是伟哥制造商，所不断灌输给你的那种单一方式。可叹的是，很多人都误认为：“如果没有阴茎勃起，就意味着性爱之乐、床笫之欢，根本无从谈起。”（当然，女同性恋者对上述论调，最彻底地反对。）很多男人在自己阴茎硬不起来的时候，连单纯的前戏，都无心去做、无法进行；很多女人在自己有了性欲的时候，如果看到自己的男票，老二根本硬不起来，就会引以为羞辱，怀疑自己没有性感魅力，认为“那个男人根本看不上我的肉体”。与此同时，还有很多男人，一旦在性爱的过程中，鸡巴硬不起来，或者刚射完精，就会感到无所适从，不晓得自己还能继续做些什么——似乎只要射完精，任何形式的性爱就统统烟消云散、不复存在。笔者在此，唯有希望你能够抱着玩乐的心态，打破对阴茎勃起的执著枷锁，随心所欲地不断探索更多种不一样的性快感、性互动方式；无论你和你的性伴侣，各自处于性生理周期的哪个阶段，都能共同参与和享受很多无需阴茎勃起，也能实现的性爱方式。

When sex becomes goal oriented, we may race to orgasm with such single-minded focus that we never even notice all the lovely sensations that come before (and, for that matter, after). When we concentrate our attention on genital sex to the exclusion of the rest of our bodies, we are excluding most of ourselves from the transaction. When we ignore most of the good parts, we increase our chance of developing sexual dysfunction, and we miss out on all the good feelings.

性爱一旦沦为“自古华山一条路”的状况——“插入”或者“射精”被视为性爱的目标，整个性爱过程都“以目标为导向”——我们就会变得视野狭窄，直目瞪眼地向着“高潮”一路狂奔，对高潮之前和高潮之后的种种甜蜜感受，都置之不理、弃之不顾，整个身心都全然麻木不仁。我们一旦仅仅专注于“生殖器部位的性爱”，而将身体的其他部位的快感，排除在性爱之外，这就无异于，我们在性爱互动中，排斥或曰放弃了绝大部分的自己。无知和无视，一旦成为我们对待自身绝大多数美好部位的方式，形形色色的性功能障碍，就难免伴随着我们如此执迷不悟的自作孽，而纷至沓来；与此同时，种种美好的感受，也被我们白白错失。

社会文化建构的性别角色，往往让我们迷失了自己

GENDER ROLES

To be truly free to explore our sexual potential to the fullest, most of us need to examine how we have been taught that a man or a woman is supposed to enjoy sex. Many of us were taught that it is natural for men to be sexually aggressive and for women to be passive responders. Your authors like both of these roles and many others too. When it comes to what feels good, we are all highly individual human beings—and, despite what you may have heard, we all come from the same planet.

若要通过不设限的探索，充分发掘自身的性欲望，尽可能充分地“认识你自己”，那么，我们当中的绝大多数，都需要对自己所习得的性别角色模式——例如，“男人或者女人，分别应当以怎样的方式，来享受性爱”——好好进行一番自我审视。我们大都被社会文化，长期灌输“性爱之中，男人天生主动，女人天生被动”的谬论。而本书的两位作者，都既喜欢做“攻”，也喜欢做“受”，除此之外还喜欢很多其他类型的性爱角色、性爱方式。尽管我们都生活在同一个星球，但是，关于“怎样才能让自己觉得爽”，我们每个人之间的个体差异，可能非常巨大。 【例如，无论任何性别（人类性别远不止于男女两种），有些人喜欢被爱抚，有些人并不喜欢自己的身体被别人触摸；有些人不断追求自身的性快感，有些人几乎一辈子都没有这方面的需求（未必出于宗教信仰的原因）；有些人喜欢年轻人，有些人恋老；有些人痴迷于网络视频性爱，有些人则对没有现实肌肤接触的玩法提不起性趣；有些人喜欢把性爱作为缓解压力的方式，有些人在压力之下，性欲只会衰减殆尽；有些人乐于让自己的性爱，暴露于公众视野，有些人的性爱，则必须要求私密；有些人只接受男人作为性伴侣，有些人只接受女人作为性伴侣，还有些人根本不在意性伴侣是什么性别；有些人迷恋肌肉健美者，有些人迷恋“胖熊”，有些人迷恋“瘦猴”；有些人的性口味会发生变化，有些人的性口味从小到老一直非常固定……——译者注 】

When men are forbidden to be receptive, then a man is not allowed foreplay or to ask for any sensory input at all. He’s not supposed to need it, much less want it. So then if a man is not automatically turned on when his partner is, he may wind up thinking he’s impotent when all he needs is a little nibbling on the ears.

如果一个男人只会在性爱中“主动进攻”，却无法“被动接受”什么，那么，此人就不会做好前戏，也不会主动提出要求，让性伴侣“给予自己所期待的快感方式”。按照他的固有成见，自己根本不需要“接纳对方所给予的什么”，更不会对此有所期待、有所渴求。这样一来，一旦这个男人的伴侣有了性欲，而他本人却无法“自然而然”地随之进入状态、确保“金枪不倒”，那么，该男子就很容易逐渐陷入“我是不是性无能”的自我疑虑——而事实上，也许只要对方轻轻咬他耳朵一下，就能让他性唤起。

Women consigned to passivity can fall into the Sleeping Beauty trap—some day my prince will come, and so will I (because people in fairy tales always have simultaneous orgasms, right?). In the real world, however, a woman who is allowed to take her turn at being the active partner is well on the way toward figuring out for herself and her lover what works for her to get really, really hot.

反观女人，往往在性爱中被预设为“被动接受”的角色。如果固守这样的角色，就难免陷入类似“睡美人”的陷阱：期待着“我的王子，不定哪天就会来”、“到那时，我也一定能够和我的‘真命天子’，处处保持同步”。（童话故事的角色，总能同时“来电”，随时都能共同保持着一见钟情的状态——但现实中，岂有此理？）而反过来讲，现实中的女人，只要能够和性伴侣，轮流去做“主动”的一方，就会由此迈出自我认知的关键一步：从此能够明确究竟该怎样做，才能真正让自己爽，以及，怎样做才能让伴侣真的爽。

Active and receptive are both great roles when they’re not dependent on gender. Think of oral sex—is sixty-nine the only way to enjoy it? Or is there a particular delight in taking turns? When we focus on the active role, we can all be great lovers and get off on our partner’s pleasure. When it’s our turn to receive, we can truly appreciate the gift we are being given, not to mention feeling free to thrash and shriek and otherwise express our appreciation.

无论你是什么性别，在性爱之中，都最好既能“主动给予”，也能“被动接受”。例如口交：难道“69式”只有一种玩法、双方角色永远固定吗？还是彼此互换角色，能带来更为特别的乐趣？就本书的两位作者而言，我俩都可以身心专注地扮演“主动”的角色，给予伴侣快感；也能够去做“被动接受”的角色，全心全意地接纳对方所给予的一切。无论扮演哪一种角色，我俩都会毫无拘束地扭动身体，纵情叫床，向伴侣发出“表达自身快感”的感谢讯息。

We’d love to see a world where everybody knew how much lovely sex they have to give in the active role and how much they give their partner when they receive.

笔者真心期待，能够看到这样一个世界：每个人都能明确自己在性爱中，当担任“主动给予”的角色时，应当在多大程度上，给予对方何种方式的美好体验；当担任“被动接纳”的角色时，应当在多大程度上，给予对方何种方式的反馈，或曰回赠。

美好的性爱，我们如何学习、掌握？

How Can We Learn Good Sex?

The mythology has it that once you start having sex, it will all come naturally—and if it doesn’t, then you must have some deep-seated psychological problem, right? We’re not sure why sex stands alone in this regard. If you want to get good at anything else, from cooking to tennis to astrophysics, you’re going to have to put some effort and time into learning how. If you want to enjoy sex and to make sure your partners enjoy it too, you’re going to have to do the same thing.

有这样一个普遍的谬见：只要你开始了一场性爱，接下来的所有过程，都会自自然然、顺理成章地发生——如若不然，就表明你出现了源自内心深处的精神问题。笔者也不明白，为什么性爱，会被如此特殊看待：这在人生一切事件之中，是绝无仅有的情形。相比之下，我们生活中的一切其他事情，从做饭到打网球再到天体物理，统统都需要付出一定的心血、花费一定的时间，深入学习其操作方法，才有可能达到较高的水平。如果你想要乐享性爱，并且确保你的性伴侣也乐于和你做爱，你同样需要付出精力、好好学习。

One friend of ours had her first orgasm at the age of thirty-four, after reading for the first time in one of the sex manuals that became popular in the early 1970s that it was okay for her to masturbate—she’d grown up in the generation that was told masturbation would make you sick or crazy. This is a horrible story—how many years of orgasms did this woman miss because of bad information?

本书的两位作者，有一位共同的朋友，她第一次体验到性高潮，是在34岁那年——当时，她刚刚从一本流行于1970年代初的性爱手册中，读到了“女性自慰，完全可行、无害”的内容。她和她的众多同龄人，从小都被灌输“手淫有害健康，会导致疾病，会让人发疯”，在这种狗屁氛围中长大。这分明是一个恐怖故事：糟糕的资讯，让这个女人，在没有性高潮的状态下，白白荒废了多少年华？

Whatever you do now you learned somewhere, somehow, so you can learn new or different sexual skills and habits if you choose. Learning requires some effort, but the rewards are great, and we know you will be brave and persistent. Many of the books we recommend include exercises you can use to expand your sexual skills and your repertoire—try them.

你现在的一切所做所为，都是你过去在某些场合、某些情形之下，所学习到的结果。所以，只要你愿意，你完全可以学习新事物，学习不同于现状的性爱技能、性爱习惯。学习，意味着需要付出一些努力，但其回报，非常美好：笔者相信，你会勇于进取、持之以恒。笔者所推荐的很多书籍，都包含着实操演练；你尽可学而致用，不断拓展自己的性爱技能，为你的性爱菜单，增加更多美味佳肴。赶快行动起来吧！

多聊点“污的”：针对性事的林林总总，彼此做好充分沟通

TALK DIRTY

Talk to people about sex. Ask them about their experience, and share yours. Janet remembers seeing her first porno movies and feeling confounded because the women in them all masturbated face-up, and she wasn’t sure if she’d been doing it wrong all those years. She started asking her women friends and found that she was far from alone—not only in her face-down preference but also in her sense of uncertainty. Talk to your intimates and any friends or people you respect who are accessible to you.Breaking the ice can be scary at first, but establishing discussion about sex with your friends and lovers will be a valuable resource for all of you, well worth risking a few minutes of embarrassment as you get started. A friend of ours used to believe that she was the only person in the whole world whose cheeks got sore from sucking a big cock. Talking to a few friends let her know that she was in the majority. If you find you can’t talk intimately and explicitly about sex with your lovers, then how can you deal with a problem or try something new?

和性爱有关的一切，都不妨拿出来，和别人聊一聊吧：既要询问对方的性爱经历，更要说出你自己的实情。本书作者之一珍妮特，早年第一次看色情影片时，发现影片中的女人，都在自慰时抬起头、仰着脸。她对此感到困惑：“我这些年来自慰，是不是做错了？我在自慰时，往往低着头、脸朝下。”珍妮特把自己的困惑，对她的女性朋友们诉说，结果很快发觉，有此类困惑的女人非常多，远远不止她一个，尤其是，大家普遍的困惑，不仅包括“我在自慰时，为何脸朝下”，还包括在看了色情片之后，对自己的惯常做法，从此拿不准“到底是对还是错”。这就是“把性事讲述出来”的必要性——讲给和你亲近的人，或者任何你所信赖的人听，只要对方愿意。与人谈“性”，难点在于最开始的“破冰”。然而，只要你迈出了和情侣、和朋友，谈论涉“性”话题的第一步，就会从中受益颇多；何况，你所要承担的风险，无非是挺住最初几分钟的尴尬。笔者的一位朋友，曾在过去很长时间里，认为全世界只有她自己，才会在给大号的鸡巴“吹箫”之后，面部肌肉累得发酸；当她将此告知一些好友之后，才终于晓得，她所自以为的“特殊情况”，其实换作其ta的绝大多数人，也会普遍如此。针对任何一个问题，如果你无法与所爱之人，既亲密无间又坦诚直率地道出实情、进行探讨，那么，你又如何能够“一个人鬼鬼祟祟地”将此问题彻底解决，或者索性绕开这个问题，去探寻其他出路呢？

美好的性爱，从你自身开始

GOOD SEX STARTS WITH YOU

We mean this quite literally. When Masters and Johnson began their research into sexual functioning in the late 1950s, they wanted to start by learning about good sex before researching sexual dysfunction—so they started by selecting 382 men and 312 women, including 276 heterosexual couples, all of whom had satisfactory sex lives. One surprising fact they uncovered was that virtually all these sexually satisfied people masturbated—regardless of whether or not they were also having partnered sex.

笔者所要表述的，就是标题的字面含义。在1950年代末，威廉·马斯特斯（1915～2001）和他后来的妻子弗吉尼亚·约翰逊（1925～2013），针对人类在性爱之中的身体反应，开启了史无前例的实证研究。当时他俩的计划是：在研究“性的生理障碍”之前，先明确“彼此都感到满意、美好的性爱”，是怎样的身体反应。于是，他俩在众多受测试者中，选择了382个男人，和312个女人，其中包括276对异性恋伴侣——其中的所有受测试者，都拥有令自己满意的性生活。一个令他俩出乎意料的事实，是这些人无论在独自生活的时候，还是有性伴侣在身边，都会经常自慰，无一例外。

Write this on your mirror: sexually successful people masturbate. You are not jerking or buzzing off because you are a loser, because you can’t find anyone to play with you, or because you are desperate to get your rocks off. You’re making love to yourself because you deserve pleasure, and playing with yourself makes you feel good.

劝你把这句话抄下来，贴在镜子上：“性福人士，皆手淫者。”当你自己动手打飞机撸到射，或者玩弄阴蒂玩到潮吹时，绝不意味着你混得失败、没人疼爱，独守空枕到急不可耐；事实上，和自己做爱，是因为你配得上性福的快感，是因为你懂得自我关爱，懂得为自己创造美好的感受。

【练习题】和你自己，来一场热辣的约会

EXERCISE A Hot Date with Yourself

Set aside a couple of hours for this. Turn off the telephone, lock the front door, and get rid of any distractions. Then prepare as though you were preparing for a date with someone you were very excited about: put clean, soft sheets on the bed and place all your favorite sex toys near to hand. Next, take a steamy bubble bath with candles, or a luxurious shower and close shave, accompanied by soft, sexy music. Style your hair, perfume yourself, trim your nails, rub in lotion so your skin is soft and touchable all over. Slip into silk boxers or a sexy nightie. Have a glass of wine, if you like.

When you’re ready, turn the lights down flatteringly low and lie down. Tease yourself with soft, gentle touch all over, feeling your soft hands as though they were the touch of your perfect lover. Take your time. Tantalize yourself with lots of foreplay, using your hands, maybe your mouth, and maybe a toy or two.

Only when you absolutely can’t stand it any more—when you would be begging for release if there were anyone there to beg—may you bring yourself to climax, as many times as you like.

Lie there and soak up the warm, rich feeling of loving yourself enough to give yourself slow, mindful pleasure. Your perfect lover is waiting for you anytime you want … right there in your own skin.

如果你有伴侣，先和ta彼此隔离——为了这项练习，独处几个小时。关掉手机、锁上房门：就算有天大的事，这段时间也别来打扰，老娘概不受理。此时此刻，就当你自己，正准备和某个令你心动之人，在这个家里约会：在床上铺好干净、舒适的床单，把你最喜欢的性爱玩具统统找出来，随时备用。接下来，点上蜡烛、放些音乐，用柔顺丝滑、泡沫绵密的沐浴露，舒舒服服洗个澡。洗完澡后，别忘了打理好发型，喷洒些香水，若有指甲油也不妨做个美甲，再在身上涂抹些护肤水，让全身肌肤都拥有更好的触感。穿上丝滑合身的拳击短裤，或者充满骚情的内衣。如果你喜欢，还可以喝杯小酒。

当你做完上述的准备，把灯光的亮度调低，让光线尽量柔和，然后躺下来。轻柔地撩弄自己全身上下的各个部位，用心感受自己的温柔的双手：像爱抚你的心上人一样，爱抚你自己。不用在乎时间，尽情享受此刻——用你的双手，用你的口舌，以及你的性爱玩具，通过各种方式，不断进行自我挑逗的“前戏”。

当你对此感到完全满足，甚至已经“累得受不了”、渴望“停下来休息”时，你就可以让一浪接着一浪的“前戏”，就此打住。也许还可以把自己玩到高潮（比如男性，把自己撸射），甚至重复高潮、序列高潮 【很多女性，可以实现——译者注 】 。

玩到尽兴之后，继续躺在那里，回味你亲手为自己营造的种种美好，感恩来自你自己的悉心关爱。你最完美的情侣——也就是你自己的肌体、皮肤——随时都在等待着和你做爱。

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We have never met a person who suffers from low self-esteem at the moment of orgasm. Your relationship with yourself is what you bring to a relationship with another person: it is what you have to share, personally, emotionally, and sexually. The sexier you are to yourself, the sexier you will be to your lovers.

笔者从没遇到过有哪个人，在性高潮的时刻，内心依然遭受着自卑感的煎熬。你和自己的相处方式，也正是你和别人相处的方式：无论在人际关系层面、情感互动层面，还是性爱层面，都是同样道理。当你面对自己时，越是性感，越有魅力，你就会在所爱之人面前，也同样性感、同样有魅力。

People who play with themselves are good lovers for two reasons. First is that sex with yourself is a really good time to explore new sources of stimulation, like touching yourself in different places, or vibrators, or new positions. Because you will never fail to notice what doesn’t feel good, you will always do it the way that feels best, and there will be no one to get embarrassed in front of. So masturbation offers you an opportunity to practice all sorts of interesting things: for instance, if one of your goals is to be able to enjoy more sex before you come, you can practice relaxation exercises with yourself and learn to slow down and speed up your response however you like. If your concern is that sometimes you are not able to come when you would like to, you can pay attention to what works for you when you have sex with yourself and teach your partner your particular preferences in sexual stimulation. Try different rhythms and stimulations so that you don’t get into a rut of being able to get off on only one sensation. Practice makes perfect, so masturbate a lot.

喜欢自慰、经常玩弄自己身体的人，之所以能成为更好的性伴侣，有两个原因。在此只谈其中的一个原因：和自己进行性爱游戏，是对更多的快感获得途径——例如不同部位的肌肤触感、形形色色的震动玩具，或者尝试新的性爱体位——进行“实地考察”的绝佳良机。当你自我玩弄时，身边没有任何人，也就没有任何尴尬，没有自欺欺人的伪装，因此，对一切让你体验不佳的玩法，你绝无可能麻不不仁、欲拒还迎；你必定会用尽浑身解数，只为了让自己感觉更爽。换言之，广义的自慰，为你营造了不断尝试各种“性口味”、探索各种有趣玩法的机会。举个例子讲，如果你希望能在高潮到来、“盛极而衰”之前，享受到时间更长、花样更多的性快感和性娱乐，那么，你就不妨针对“放松”的技巧，多多进行自我演练——练到逐渐能够随心所欲地掌控自身对性刺激的反应节奏，想要加快就能立刻“来电”，想要放慢就能让身体“慢热”些。再举个例子，如果你担心自己“心里想要做，裤裆里却不来电”，那么，你就应当多多留意“当我自慰时，怎么做，或者什么样的因素，会让我很快性奋起来”，并且把你历经自我验证、确认非常有效的“性刺激爽点”，告知你的性伴侣。尤其是，你不妨尝试各种不同的节奏，和不同的性唤起方式，这样，你就能够在形形色色的“实战”中随机应变、顺势而为，而不会只有一种方式，只能不断重蹈覆辙，无法变通。好功夫是练出来的，所以，多多自慰吧！

Start by putting some energy into supporting your own self-esteem and developing a positive feeling about your body—no, not the body you plan to have next year after you work out every day and live on lettuce. What have you done recently that helps you feel good about the body you are inhabiting today? It’s hard to have a good relationship with your body when all you do is yell at it. Try giving your body treats: a bubble bath, a trip to the hot tubs, a massage, silk underwear, anything that feels good. Be nice to your body, and then go find somebody else’s body to be nice to, and somebody will be nice to your body too.

自我赋权，强化自信心，是做好“自慰练习”的先决条件。你对自己当下的身体，要抱持着积极、喜爱的态度；绝不要一边嫌弃当下的自身，一边幻想“再过一年，我通过健身，和多吃蔬菜，身材将会变得如何如何好”。你需要明确的是：就此时此刻而言，怎么做，会让你的身体觉得爽？如果你总是抱怨自己的身体，就很难与自身，建立良好的亲密关系。你不妨经常以实际行动，犒赏自己的身体，例如，洗个泡沫浴，去热水浴盆店里体验下，或者去按摩店，以及给自己买些轻柔丝滑、舒适亲肤的内衣……总之，就是多做一些能够让你自我悦纳的事情。学会善待自己的身体，你就会不断发现其ta人身体的可爱之处，并且得到其ta人对你身体的由衷赞赏。

Love yourself as you would your lover. Masturbation is a good way to nourish and develop our relationships with ourselves. We can improve our self-esteem by the simple act of pleasuring our bodies.

爱自己，做自己的甜心宝贝。自慰，让你和你自己的亲密关系，不断得到滋养和巩固。通过这种简便易行的自娱自乐，不但让自身得到快感，更让我们的自尊自爱、自立自强的浩然之气，得以培养壮大。

每一个人，都需要性爱玩具

TOYS FOR EVERYBODY

Don’t forget: grown-ups play with toys. A huge variety of excellent sex toys is available. While these can be purchased online if you’re shy, we strongly recommend a visit to one of the hundreds of excellent erotic boutiques-modeled on San Francisco’s classic Good Vibrations—that have sprung up in large and small cities all over the United States. Such stores allow you to shop in a welcoming, safe, and remarkably unsleazy environment, with helpful staff who are knowledgeable about the mysterious devices on the shelves. Dossie used to sell toys at pleasure parties, which are Tupperware parties for sex toys, usually run by a sex educator invited in for the occasion—a great idea for a bachelorette party.

不要忘记：小时候的我们，伴随着各种各样的玩具而成长。形形色色的性爱情趣玩具，你都可以尝试。你可以在网上购买性爱玩具，这样可以避免与卖家现实接触的尴尬；然而，笔者强烈建议你，去逛逛为数众多、百家争艳的实体店。这类实体店，遍及美国的大大小小的城市，位于旧金山的老店Good Vibrations，是其中的翘楚，和众多同行借鉴的标杆。 【性爱情趣用品店Good Vibrations，由女权主义性教育先驱乔安妮·布兰克（Joani Blank），创建于1977年。该店的主打商品，是服务于女性的震动棒。——译者注 】 这类商店，不但待人热情，而且能够充分保护你的隐私安全，并且在各个细节之中，都能让你感到自己备受尊重，绝不会言辞轻浮、令你难堪；其店内员工，对每一件所售商品的美妙用途，都了如指掌，乐意为你答疑解惑。本书作者之一道茜，之前曾在特百惠塑料制品展销会的性爱玩具专场，以受邀请的性爱专家身份出席、助销。笔者建议众多女生，都不妨尝试参加这类活动，作为自己即将告别单身的典礼。

If you’ve never tried a vibrator, it’s never too late. Battery-operated vibrators are less powerful than the plug-in and rechargeable kinds, so try to find an opportunity to check out all kinds—they work through clothes, so it’s not really that hard to find a way to experiment.(They’re not just for women, either—many a man has had his life changed by a vibrator against the perineum.) You will find insertables in a huge variety of sizes and shapes to meet every need, texture toys in fake fur or spiky gels, satin blindfolds and velvet restraints—and usually a thoughtful selection of good books and erotica. There is no reason why a sex store has to be hidden in a basement.

如果你从未用过震动棒，现在尝试，也为时不晚。一般来说，需要换电池的震动棒，力度较为柔和，而一直插着电源的震动棒，和电池内置、可反复充电的震动棒，力度较为强烈。为此，不妨找个机会，尽可能全面地尝试更多不同的型号，体验不同的感受。体验震动棒的效果，完全可以隔着衣服，所以，即使在店内、在公共场所，亲身评测各种震动棒，也并非难事，你大可不必事先脑补种种尴尬，而裹足不前。（顺便一提，震动棒并非仅仅适用于女性；很多男人在亲身体验了“震动棒爱抚阴部”之后，都感到“人生原来可以如此丰富多彩”。）以插入阴部的震动棒为例，你可能会发现，适合你的“大小”和“型号”，其实都非常多种多样；也许你还会对仿皮革材质或者有橡胶钉的性爱玩具，或者绸缎的眼罩、天鹅绒的束缚工具，从此格外钟情。此外，你所精挑细选的性爱书籍、色情文艺，也可能成为你的日常必需品。这也正是性爱情趣用品商店，尽可大大方方地营业，而不一定要隐藏在地下室的道理所在。

Toys can add to your pleasure and make some things possible that never were before—for instance, if you’re curious about anal play, it helps to start small. Vibrators have given many women an assurance about orgasm that was never before possible: many women share sex however they want to, and if they have not had an orgasm by the time they are getting tired, curl up with their good friend and their vibrator—a surefire solution. Not having to worry about how orgasms are going to happen can take a lot of the worry out of getting close for both women and men.

各种性爱玩具，不但可以增进情趣，而且可以让一些过去无法实现之事，从此变得大有希望。比如你过去没有经历过肛交，对此感兴趣、想尝试，就可以先找个小号的震动棒，进行初体验。震动棒让很多女人，性高潮从此有了稳定的保障 【“女人的性高潮，如果单纯指望男人的老二，就像指望在马路上捡到钱，辞掉工作满大街流浪，企图以此还清房贷车贷。”——猪川猫二饼（译者） 】 。如今的很多女性，都对性爱拥有了充分的自主，只要自己想做爱，性伴侣召之即来，但即使这样，也可能性高潮还没到来，性伴侣已经累了——解决方案很简单，带上震动棒即可。当你蜷在床上，既有性伴侣又有震动棒，万无一失双保险，东方不亮西方亮。顺便再多说一句，无论是男是女还是任何性别，当你能够放下对“究竟怎么做，才能让我尽快达到性高潮”的执著，就能让针对亲密关系质量的很多焦虑，都从此消弭。

If you really want to be the world’s greatest lover, and you want to know exactly what pleases your partner the most, try masturbating in the same room. Who knows, you might like to watch—we find it a tremendous turn-on. Watching or showing, you will teach and learn each other’s individual pattern of pleasure and become the most perfect, and the most perfectly satisfied, lovers that ever could be.

如果你真心想要成为全世界最牛逼的性伴侣，想要明确究竟怎么做，才能让你的老伴儿爽翻天，笔者建议你：在你和老伴儿做爱的房间里，尝试着用各种方式，多多自慰——推己及人，上述问题的答案，你的身体会告诉你——以及，让你的老伴儿也多多自慰。说不定，观看对方自慰，也会让你们乐在其中；本书的两位作者都已发现，这种做法，效果绝佳。通过观察对方，和自我展示，你们就能相互教学，了解彼此的身体欲望、快感模式，从而携手共进、臻于完美，尽最大可能，相互成为彼此的最佳床伴。 【这一自然段，内容与本小节的“性爱玩具”无关，但可以作为上一小节“美好的性爱，从你自身开始”的总结，显然是书中的排版错误（责任主要在于本书的出版方，也就是位于美国加州伯克利的Celestial Arts）。本书的第三版（2017年版），在本小节中，将这一段完全删去。但本段的内容，亦有发人深思的价值。——译者注 】

让外部因素，成为性爱的助力，而非干扰项

GET YOUR CONDITIONS MET

It’s hard to focus on pleasure when you’re worrying about whether the baby is asleep, the door is locked, the shades are drawn, or whatever bothers you. Figure out what your conditions are, what you need to feel safe and free of worry, so you can enjoy your sex completely. Deal with your needs beforehand.

当你满脑子都是“孩子有没有入睡”、“门有没有锁好”之类的疑虑，就很难专注于自身的快乐。为此，你需要事先明确：有哪些事情，要先解决好，才能够让你安下心来，尽情享受性爱。这些先决条件，要先着手搞定。

Establish agreements with your partner about safer sex and/or birth control. It is not appropriate to argue with anyone’s limits regarding pregnancy and disease risk reduction: respect the limits of the most conservative person, because sex is a lot more fun when we all feel safe. Personal limits may be idiosyncratic, and that’s okay too. Dossie has a minor obsession about being clean and likes to set up clean sheets and have a shower so she feels all fresh and sparkly. Someone else might not care as much—so what? There is no one right way to get ready to have sex. Give yourself permission to take care of your own needs; it will free you.

关于安全性行为，和避孕措施，一定要事先和性伴侣，达成明确共识。 【为此，译者多次强烈建议，不要酒后约炮，性爱要在清醒的状态下进行。有的人喜欢在微醺的状态下享受性爱，那就不妨在自己家里喝，和非常熟悉、早有各种共识的人做爱：这截然不同于在酒吧里，借着酒劲儿，和刚刚认识的“一见如故”之人即兴开房。——译者 】 不要和任何潜在的性伴侣，就防范“意外怀孕”和“性传播疾病”的界限，进行讨价还价的争论，试图让对方在和自己的性爱中“放宽条件”。哪怕面的天底下最保守的人，也要尊重其个人界限；唯有当每一个参与者，都具有充分的安全感时，相互的性爱，才能充满快乐——而不是在快乐中夹带着担忧，或者在一时快乐之后陷入长久的疑虑。有些人的个人界限，似乎带有不可理喻的怪癖，我们只要与此人进行性爱，就应当对其“古怪”界限，同样予以尊重。例如本书作者之一道茜，对做爱之处的床单之类，多少有些洁癖，而且在做爱之前，总要先洗个澡，唯有如此，她才能够进入清纯可爱、闪亮登场的状态；相比之下，其ta很多人，都不会这么“事儿妈”——但这又咋了？尽量相互迁就、相互满足，即可两全其美、皆大欢喜。性爱前的准备，并无人人适用的单一模板，你尽管遵从自己的内心，尊重自己的需求，让自己更加舒适和自由。

Sometimes you discover that your conditions aren’t what you thought they were and that the new ones might offer some special fun.Janet remembers:

有些时候，你会发现，你所谓的“性爱先决条件”，其实并非一成不变；当新的情况，不期然地出现，反而会为你带来意外的惊喜。本书作者之一珍妮特，如此回忆道：

I’d been to a concert that night with two friends, who were lovers with each other and with me. One of us had recently acquired a treasure: a ’64 Lincoln Continental the size of a studio apartment. On the way back, we decided to stop by the river to admire the moonlight, and before we knew it we were throwing a full-scale orgy in the front seat of the Lincoln. I’d always thought I wouldn’t like sex in a car, but when I found myself stretched out in the front seat with my head in one partner’s lap as I masturbated him over my shoulder, and my other partner kneeling in the passenger footwell with her head buried between my legs, I began to change my mind. The scene ended in hysterical giggles: the one I was masturbating began to come, his body went into an orgasmic spasm, and he hit the horn—the car emitted an enormous blast of sound from its mid-’60s Detroit horn that must have awakened everybody for miles around and made us all practically fall out of our seat!

我曾在一个晚上，和两个朋友，一起听音乐会；那两个朋友，是一对情侣，同时也都与我相爱。我们当中的一个幸运儿，当时刚刚得到一辆1964年款的林肯大陆豪车，车内空间大如公寓单间。在听完音乐会的回家路上，我们决定把车停在河边，一起赏月。无意之中，我们都来了兴致，一起在这辆豪车的前座上做爱，玩得非常开心。我在那次经历之前，根本想不到自己会在车里做爱。然而那时的我，身体放松，躺在汽车前座，枕在其中一个朋友的大腿上，一只肩膀朝下，用自己的那只手为他打飞机；另一个朋友，则跪在副驾坐席之下，把脑袋埋在我的两腿之间。那一刻，让我彻底打破了不能在车里做爱的个人界限。最后，我们一起笑出猪叫：被我打飞机的那小子，在高潮射精时，身体不由自主地抽动，正撞上了汽车的喇叭；这个出自60年代底特律工厂的大喇叭，顿时发出杀猪般的“惊叫”，响彻方圆数里，俨然语惊四座。那一刻，我们几个都从车座上跌落！

和性伴侣之间，务必做好沟通交流

COMMUNICATE

Most of us have been struck dumb by the scariest communication task of all—asking for what we want. Is there any one of us who has never failed to tell our partner when we want our clit or cock stimulated harder or softer, slower or faster, more on the shaft or more on the tip, on the side, on both sides, up and down or round about, or whatever it is that would work for us? Take it from us, the way to get what you want in sex is to ask for it. And the way to get a good reputation as an excellent lover is to ask each partner what he or she likes and let them show you how to do it exactly right: Janet makes a point of having her lovers masturbate for her early on in the relationship, so she can watch how they do it and make mental notes about what kinds of stimulation they like to feel. Once you get past the initial embarrassment, this is actually easy and will make you a very popular lover indeed. If you find this impossibly difficult, here’s a good way to start:

我们往往缺乏勇气，向性伴侣讲出自己的欲求——也就是坦言请求伴侣：我希望你能够如何去做，这样我会更爽。我们在此都不妨扪心自问：这些年来，在和其ta人发生性关系的过程中，当我的阴蒂（或阴茎）勃起来或者软下去时，当我的性欲望正处于“小火慢炖”或者“干柴烈火”的状态时，或者，我想要对方怎样配合我，比如往上一点还是往下一点，着力于鸡巴还是阴蒂——我能否及时开口，清晰明确地向对方说出来？一定要切记：要想在性爱中玩得爽，就必须随时把自己的需求告知对方。如果你期待成为有口皆碑的完美床伴，就一定要向你的每一个性伴侣，分别询问“你希望我怎么做，你才会更爽”，并且，请ta把对你的行动需求，演示给你看。本书作者之一珍妮特，所身体力行、强烈推荐的做法是：当你和任何一位伴侣，初次发生关系，都不妨让这个人，在自己面前撸阴蒂或者打飞机，由此看到对方自我满足的行为方式，从中了解“我应该怎么做，对方更容易爽”。——上述流程，只要多经历几次，最初可能的尴尬，就会逐渐“恶灵退散”。事实上，这真的很简单，并且保证能够让你成为备受大家欢迎的床伴。如果你依然觉得这样做有困难，下面的练习题，正好作为你跨越障碍、走上坦途的第一步：

【练习题】可以，不行，也许

EXERCISE Yes, No, Maybe

Try this exercise with yourself or with a lover with whom you are very familiar, and as you get comfortable, repeat it with each new lover. First, make a list of all the sexual activities you can think of that anyone, not just you, might like to do. You will immediately discover that this is also an exercise in developing language, so pay attention as you name these things. Are you more comfortable with intercourse or fucking, oral sex or going down, cock sucking or eating out? What do you call your own sex organs: penis, dick, cock, prick…pussy, cunt, vagina, clitoris? If you get stuck, put a little effort into finding any name that describes the activity, take a deep breath, and repeat those words five times, and breathe again. Make your list as complete as possible, and include activities that you don’t like as well as those you do. You can get prefab lists online, but then you miss the experience of naming all these unspeakable delights.

这项练习，需要和你的某个情侣，或者某个彼此亲密无间之人，一起进行，携手双修。练习的目的，是要你学会：把令你感到舒适的方式，今后在和其ta情侣一起时，也不断照此“复制粘贴”。这项练习的第一步，是针对你能想到的各种性爱方式，列出一张清单：其中不但要包括所有你喜欢的方式，也要包括其他人可能喜欢的种种玩法。此刻你大概会发觉，这张清单，和你即将脱口道出的话语内容，有直接关联：所以，请格外留意清单之中每一项性爱方式的不同名称，留意自己将其说出口时，难免会有微妙差异的心理反应。例如，你更愿意说“性交”还是“肏”、“干”？更愿意说“口交”还是“吹箫”？更愿意说“吃鸡巴”还是“69式”？你对自己的性器官，分别习惯于怎样称呼？例如，是用“阴茎”的学名，还是称之为“屌”、“小鸡鸡”或者“老二”？女性也是同理：你通常称之为“小穴穴”、“屄”，还是“阴道”、“阴蒂”？如果其中某个性器官或者某种性行为的名称，令你“舌头打结”、“难以启齿”，就需要暂停下来，好好想一想：如何换另一种能够让你不那么羞涩的表达方式，将其说出口；然后，做一个深呼吸，将方才那个令你不那么尴尬的表述话语，重复说5次，说完之后再做一个深呼吸。你清单中的词汇，要尽量涵盖到和相爱有关的方方面面，既要包括你喜欢的性爱方式，也要包括你不喜欢的。也许你可以从网上，找到这样的清单模板——但笔者不建议你这样做，因为这种看似“取巧”的做法，其代价，是让你失去了对自己平时极少说出口的床笫之欢，进行逐项分类汇总、逐一列举其名称的练习机会。

Then each of you take a separate, smaller piece of paper and make three columns: YES, MAYBE, and NO. YES means I already know l like this. NO means this act is outside my limits and I don’t want to try it in the foreseeable future. MAYBE means you would try it if the conditions were right. The conditions might be:

接下来，进入正题。针对清单上的每一项性爱玩法，都附上一张独立的小纸条。这些小纸条，分作三个类型：“可以”、“不行”、“也许”。“可以”，意味着这种玩法，我明确知道，这是我所喜欢的；“不行”，意味着这种玩法，在我目前所能接受的范围之外，并且在我可以预见的将来，我也不想尝试；至于“也许”，则意味着这种玩法，“我在合适的条件下，说不定也会尝试”——所谓“合适的条件”，可能包括以下内容：

• if I feel safe enough 如果我有足够充分的安全感

• if I’m turned on enough 如果我的身心，此刻足够性奋；或者说，如果对方能够令我格外“来电”

• if I know it’s okay to stop if it feels bad 如果我确知：只要我感到不适，就可以随时叫停，对方一定会遵守

• if we go slow enough 如果我们可以慢慢来，不着急，顺其自然地走一步看一步

• if we have a backup plan 如果我们事先做好另一套备选方案——即使尝试失败，也不会导致“床死”的尴尬，也能通过其他的玩法，确保皆大欢喜

and so forth.

以上只是抛砖引玉，诸如此类的条件，还可以有其他的很多。

Decide where every act on the big sheet fits into your limits today.

就在今天，对清单中的每一项性行为、性爱方式，逐一确定：这种玩法，是否在我的愿意接受的范围之内？是“可以”、“不行”还是“也许”？

Share the lists with a partner. Discuss where you fit together well and where you have differences. There are no rights and wrongs here. Think of your likes and dislikes as if they were flavors of ice cream.

将你的清单，向一位性伴侣分享。和ta一起讨论：哪些性爱方式，是你们的性趣交集、共同爱好；哪些性爱方式，一个人想要，另一个人不想，双方存在分歧。彼此性口味的交集和差异，不存在孰是孰非、谁错谁对。你们不妨都把彼此喜欢或者不喜欢的性爱方式，看作不同风味的冰淇淋。

Notice the wealth of what you both like on your YES lists.

你们彼此都喜欢的玩法，意味着你们之间的共同财富，值得你们格外留意。

This exercise will need to be done more than once, as your limits will change over time. You can do it to look at what you can share with any particular partner when you are sharing sex.

上述练习，需要多做几次，“一次定终身”显然不可行，因为你和你的伴侣，行与不行的界限，都有可能随着时间，而发生改变。经常去做这项练习，能够让你无论面对怎样的性伴侣，都能很快找出彼此的共同性趣——在恰当的场合拿出适合的“礼物”，与对方分享，从而两全其美，而非“鸡同鸭讲”。

These are ideas about how you can start communicating explicitly about sex and negotiate consensuality. Remember, we define consent as an active collaboration for the pleasure, benefit, and well-being of all persons concerned. Consent means that everybody involved must agree to whatever activity is proposed and must also feel safe enough that they could decline if they wished. We believe that if you are not free to say “no,” you can’t really say “yes.”We also think it is essential that everyone involved understands the consequences of both responses, which is another way of saying that it’s not acceptable to take advantage of someone’s naivete.

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究竟该怎么做，才能让直率的性爱交流，和达成一致的协商，“踩下油门”启动？以下是笔者的一些建议。首先要切记，我们所定义的“达成一致”，是一种动态的通力协作，其中所有人的性福、权益和身心健康，都必须被充分顾及。其次，“同意”，意味着无论任何方案，都需要所有参与者，都能在“如果我想否决其中的任何内容，都拥有充分的安全感，没有如何顾忌”的前提下，达成共识，人人乐意如此。按照笔者的信条，如果你不能毫无顾忌地说出“我反对”，那么，你也就无法道出真心的、有意义的“我赞成”。同时，笔者还坚信，其中的每个人，都必须充分了解，当自己表达“同意”或者“反对”，分别会产生怎样的结果——这也意味着，谁都不能利用其中某个人的“幼稚无知”，而从中渔利。 【例如约炮时，其中一人发觉对方，对安全性行为不太了解、意识淡薄，便提议“我不带套，对你也没有风险，因为我活儿好，每次都能体外射精”。由于对方不晓得所谓的“体外射精”，无论对于避孕还是防止HIV、HBV等病毒传播，都是无效的，便懵懵懂懂地“同意”了。这就是“利用别人幼稚无知，不甚了解这样做的后果”的“故意从中渔利”；在此状态下的“性同意”，是虚假的、无效的，是欺诈和剥削。——译者注 】

We cannot say this often enough: You have a right to your limits, and it is totally okay to say no to any form of sex you don’t like or are not comfortable with. Having a limit does not mean that you are inhibited, uptight, no fun, or a permanent victim of American puritanism—it just means you don’t like something. When you want to learn to like it, we think there are better ways to do that than to succumb to guilt tripping, shaming, or outright bullying. Say no to what you don’t want, and when you decide to try something new, arrange for lots of support from your partner, get your conditions met, and be kind to yourself. Positive reinforcement is really the best way to learn.

有一句话，笔者不厌其烦地重复：“对任何你不喜欢或者令你不适的性爱方式，你都可以拒绝——你的一切个人界限，都是你天经地义的权利。”有自己的界限，并不意味着你“放不开”、“神经质”、“不识趣”，更不意味着你被禁欲主义“洗了脑”。你的界限，仅仅意味着“有些事情，你不喜欢”。如果你想要尝试下你所不喜欢的事情，更好的时机多的是，无论如何，绝不能在违心屈从、忍辱含羞甚至被霸凌强迫的状态下进行。对一切你不想要的，都尽管“说不”。如果你想尝试“新口味”，都不妨先做好准备，得到（来自性伴侣的）足够充分的身心支持，确保你所需要的条件都已万事俱备，并且，绝对不要勉强自己。采用“正强化”（positive reinforcement）的方式——也就是不断给予自己正面的反馈、积极的奖赏——能够让你无论学习什么，或者尝试去做什么，都能取得最佳效果。

In many areas, workshops and groups about sex are available, put on by dedicated sex educators and counselors, sometimes at birth control clinics or organizations supporting sexual health. All of these workshops are designed to be safe, to respect everyone’s boundaries, and to give you an opportunity to learn new information, increase your comfort level, and speak for yourself about your own feelings and experience. What we are advocating here is communication by, with, and for everybody.

在（美国的）很多地区，都有不少非常专业的性教育从业者、性咨询师，经常在提供终止妊娠服务的诊所，或者在促进性健康的组织机构办公室，举办性爱工作坊和性爱互助小组。此类工作坊，普遍安全可靠，充分尊重每一个人的边界，并且在此基础上，让你有机会了解更多的新知识，由此提升性福度，同时，也能让你有机会说出自己的性爱经历，和身心感受。笔者在这本书中所推介的一切内容，你都可以在上述的工作坊中，向每一个与会者分享，倾听每一个与会者的反馈，让包括你自己在内的所有人，都不虚此行。

【练习题】“可以，不行，也许”清单，可以营造更多的性福快乐

EXCERCISE More Fun with Your “Yes, No, Maybe” List

Once you’ve made a list, there are lots of further activities you can do with it:

• Put your lists up on the fridge or in the bathroom where you can see them every day.

• Write a possible script for your next date based entirely on items found on both of your YES lists.

• Write a script from the YES lists for a satisfying half-hour date you could do on a weeknight—a quickie plan.

• Choose an item from your MAYBE list and figure out what you would need to try that and how your partner could help you. What are your conditions?

·Choose an item from your partner’s MAYBE list and create a fantasy of how you could seduce him into it. Tell him about the fantasy—this is not a time for pouncing and yelling “Surprise!”

当你列出“可以，不行，也许”的清单（包括你自己，和至少一位亲密伴侣的清单），除了之前的练习题之外，不妨继续发挥其功效，如此去做：

• 把这两份清单，都贴在显眼的地方，比如卧室里、冰箱上，让自己每天都能看到。

• 依据你俩都“可以”的交集，为你和ta的下一场激情相约，预备一份“节目预告”、“行动脚本”。

• 从你自己的“也许”列表中，挑选一项，好好想一想：我需要在什么样的前提条件下，才能够尝试？我需要这位性伴侣，为此提供什么样的支持、配合？

• 从该伴侣的“也许”列表中，挑选一项，就此展开创造性的幻想：“我该怎么做，才能让ta愿意尝试这种玩法？”然后，把你的“如何引诱ta尝试这种玩法”的幻想内容，统统告诉这位伴侣。——说不定，惊喜就在距此不远的明天！

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找到你的“快感按钮”，找到能够让你立刻“来电”的方式

FIND YOUR TURN-ON

Have you ever set out to make love and discovered that you couldn’t find your turn-on? There you are, hunting for that elusive state of excitement and wondering what’s wrong with you when your lover does the things you usually love and your response is just plain nothing, or, worse yet, irritation or ticklishness. Women wonder why they aren’t getting wet, men agonize over absent erections, everybody either fakes it or gets embarrassed. It happens to everybody. Really. It’s not just you.

你是否经历过这种情形：在即将与人做爱之时，猛然发觉自己并未“来电”、并未性奋起来。你很可能会设法寻求让自己快速“来电”的诀窍，并且经常怀疑“我究竟哪里出了毛病”——毕竟，那个情侣平时与你非常合得来，但在“一起上床”的时候，你却突然“身心无感”，甚至还可能对这场性爱，产生发自内心的抵触（这无疑更糟）。为此，女性往往想不通“为什么我一旦和情侣上床，就经常“笨手笨脚地”不合拍”，而男性则为自己“关键时刻无法勃起”，而痛苦不堪。在这种情况下，要么性爱勉强应付，假装很爽、假装高潮，要么陷入尴尬。 【在插入式性爱中，女性可以假装高潮；而男性如果“举而不坚，坚而不挺，挺而不久”，就根本无从掩饰。就绝大多数而言，相比于女人，男人的性能力，是绝对的弱者；所以即使在没有震动棒的古代，性工作者也是女人居多，男人所占比例很少，因为男人通常没能力吃这碗饭。——译者注 】 做爱时“不来电”的情形，无论性别、年龄，每个人都可能发生；如果你亲身遭遇了这种事，不要觉得自己“不正常”。

For some people, losing their turn-on happens when they are nervous, maybe with a new partner or in a new situation. For others, familiarity reduces arousal, and they have a hard time grasping their desire in their relationships with the people they know the best and love the most.

有的人一旦精神紧张，性欲就会“萎掉”——面对新结识的伴侣，或者身处陌生的环境，都可能造成紧张感。有的人面对太过熟悉的床上伴侣，就会意兴阑珊、性味索然——和老伴儿之间，一个巨大的难题，就是“我心依旧”的深爱，和“我对你的性欲，难以长期保鲜”的矛盾。

Getting turned on requires a physical and mental transition into a different state of consciousness. Every night, when you go to sleep, you make such a transition: you turn the lights down, get into loose clothing, lie down, perhaps read quietly or watch a little TV, deliberately changing your state of consciousness from wide awake to sleepy. Some people do this automatically, while others have to work at figuring out what helps them get to sleep.

将自己性欲望，充分调动起来，需要让“身心感知状态”，都发生转变。关于“意识状态”的转变，举例而言，比如每天夜晚，当你准备入眠，你的身心状态，就会作出这样的转变：你把灯关上，宽衣解带，躺在床上，接下来，或许会安安静静地看会视频、看会电子书——这一切，都是你刻意让自己的意识知觉，从充分的清醒，步入昏昏欲睡的状态。上述的过程，有些人能够轻松、自主地搞定，而另一些人，则需要费心费力地找出对自己有帮助的方法。

Similarly, we all need to know how we get turned on, what works for us when arousal doesn’t just come of its own accord. Our mythology tells us that we are not supposed to have to do this on purpose, that we are supposed to be swept away with desire, or else something is wrong: we don’t really want to make love to this person, we’ve made a terrible mistake and now what are we going to do with the kids? Men are told that they are supposed to be so turned on by the mere availability of a partner that their erection should stand up and salute without any actual sensory stimulation. Women are taught that they ought to be turned on in response to any stimulus from a partner they care about and, if they aren’t, they are frigid or perhaps feeling hostile. These are only some of the very destructive lessons you may have learned.

和“怎样才能让自己入睡”同理，“怎样才能让自己‘来电’”，也需要结合自己的现实情况——找到对自己有所助益的实用方法，从而让自己能够在必要的时刻，能够很快“进入状态”。按照纯属扯鸡巴蛋的主流观念，我们无需对自身的性唤起，进行刻意练习，因为只要情深意浓，身体就会自然而然地起反应、自然而然地“来电”，否则，就是哪里出了毛病——比如，“那个人并不是我真心喜欢的对象，我其实并不乐意和此人上床”。上述的屁话，对男人而言，意味着“面对心爱伴侣，无需感官刺激，老二应当随叫随到，时刻准备勃起”；对女人而言，意味着“如果真心爱上一个人，就能随时为他‘献身’，全身的每个细胞，都时时刻刻对着他叫春；如果对一个人，床上反应冷淡或者迟疑，那就表明她和这个人的爱，纯属虚情假意”。——这号猪生狗养的傻屌理念，真他爹的毁人不倦！

The first thing you need to do when desire doesn’t come up like thunder is to remember that lots of serious sluts have dealt with this problem successfully, and so can you. Let’s look at how we could go about deliberately getting turned on.

如果你的身心欲望，经常无法在关键时刻，像闪电之后的响雷一样“如期而至”，那么首先，你要明确的是：很多牛逼的婊子，都经历过和你一样的难题，但都能将此问题，处理得非常妥善，解决得非常成功——这表明，其成功经验，你也可以借鉴，其有效方法，你也可以学会。至于有意识地练习性唤起，究竟需要如何操作，且看下文。

Some people just charge on, start sexual stimulation, and keep on with it until their turn-on catches up with them, and this works for many people much of the time: Dossie once had a partner who liked to leap into cold mountain lakes when they were camping, insisting that you’d get warm eventually if you just thrashed around. Other people like to get in the water one toe at a time, warming up gradually and sensually, allowing time to appreciate the changes in sensitivity that occur as they move slowly into their sexual response cycle. For many people, simply slowing down gives them the chance to get in synch with their turn-on, and once you find your turn-on it makes it easier to speed up.

有些人的成功做法，是（和床上伴侣）采取性挑逗的行动，来进行“预热”，如此坚持不懈，往往就能“功到自然成”。这种近乎蛮干加死磕的方法，对很多人而言，有效率不下十之七八。正如本书作者之一的道茜，有这样的一个伴侣，特别喜欢在野外露营时，跳进寒冷刺骨的山泉中游泳——这家伙坚持声称：“无论泉水有多冷，只要你在里面不停地扑腾，就能逐渐感到暖和起来。”而另一些人，如果遇到这种情况，则宁愿先伸出一只脚，在水边慢慢试探——在面临自身“床死”之时，也是同样的做法：通过小步渐进的感官刺激，来进行“热身”。换言之，就是刻意多花些时间，让身心在类似不断充电的感官刺激中，渐入佳境。对大多数人而言，单纯依靠上述的“持续慢热”，不但效果非常不错，而且能够从中自我探索，发现自己身体“来电”的种种条件，从而逐渐能够“身心同步”，越发得心应手地掌控自己的“来电状态”。

Many people experience hypersensitivity, which means feeling ticklish or jumpy or irritated, when they attempt to take in sensations that are too focused or too intense in the early part of their journey to arousal. Such ticklishness usually disappears once the person is thoroughly excited and may reappear right after orgasm. The only way to deal with hypersensitivity is to remember that very few people can get turned on while they are being tickled or irritated, so take your time.(Dossie’s partner who loved to leap into cold lakes also really loved to be tickled—that’s why you gotta ask.) Feel free to tell your lover about hypersensitivity, and what sensations you enjoy early on, and how that may be different later. Most hypersensitivity can be cured with a firm touch and a gradual approach. Start with caressing backs and shoulders and less sensitive parts of the body, making sure of serious arousal before touching the more exquisitely sensitive areas.

不少人都曾有过这样的经历：在不断刺激自己的身心、试图让自己性欲涨满之时，如果一开始就太执著、太紧张，就会难免感到身心不适——神经兮兮，手足无措，又急又恼。然而，只要真正性奋起来，上述的不适感，通常就会烟消云散；不过，当高潮过后，之前的种种不适，可能又会卷土重来。针对这种“过于敏感”的问题，笔者希望你能牢记：“稍一刺激，就能唤起性欲，如此一厢情愿的“好事”，绝大多数人都很难做到。何况每个人的‘性奋点’，也各有差异。”——所以，床上别着急，一切慢慢来。（关于不同的人，不同的“性奋点”，例如本书作者道茜的那位酷爱在冷水中游野泳的伴侣，非常喜欢被胳肢、挠痒：这是此人的性奋点之一。对方的性奋点，需要你主动开口询问，才能知晓。）当你情侣做爱时，无论你的身心“过于敏感”，还是稍后感觉很爽、很享受，都要随时进行反馈，坦言告知对方，而不要“藏着掖着”什么。大多数情况下，“过于敏感”的不适，都能随着之后坚持不懈的爱抚，和耐心渐进的肌肤接触，而得到缓解。在鱼水交欢之初，先从“爱抚不那么敏感的身体部位”开始，例如爱抚脊背、肩膀；在进一步触摸对方的更敏感部位之前，先和对方打好招呼，确定要进行“性爱预热”，确保彼此都做好准备。

Talk with your lover about what turns you on—a fantasy? A story? Having your fingers or toes gently bitten and sucked? Ask your lover what turns him on—chewing on her neck? Brushing his hair? You could prepare for this talk by writing down a list of all the things that you know excite you, each of you on your own, and then sharing your lists. Talking can be a little risky, and risk can be exciting in and of itself.

你的“性快感按钮”是什么？有哪些？——例如，某种意象的幻想？某种故事情节？你喜欢自己的手指或者脚指头，被吮吸，被轻轻地咬吗？凡此种种，都要提前告知你的伴侣。同时，你也需要主动向伴侣询问，从而了解该伴侣的“性奋点”——例如，喜欢被轻咬脖子吗？喜欢被爱抚头发吗？……在和伴侣进行这样的交流之前，彼此不妨先做好准备，把能够让自己快速兴奋的方式，列出一纸清单，然后相互分享。这种“完全自我暴露”的交流，可能对你而言，有一点点挑战，但这种挑战，能够为你带来身心振奋的成果——包括完成这种挑战的过程，也是激动人心的成果之一。

Get into your body: sensual delights like hot tubs, bubble baths, naked skin by the warm fire, massage. These are the slower delights that give us time to focus our attention on physical pleasure and allow our busy brains to slow down or drift off into fantasy. This kind of pleasure should not be demanding; this is not the time to worry about heavy breathing or undulating hips—it is the time for entrancement.

另一个要点是：专注感受你自己的身体。肉体的快感，就像浸泡在热水澡盆里，浑身都是泡沫绵柔的浴液，也像是裸身烤火取暖，或者被按摩全身。这些慢节奏的身体享受，其共同特征，是让我们能够暂时放下一切身外顾虑，安心感受身体的舒适和快乐，或者沉浸在属于自己的幻想世界中。这种类型的快乐，根本不需要费力强求；在此过程中，你根本无需考虑自己的呼吸是否变得急促，或者胯部是否已经颤抖起伏——你唯一要做的事情，就是什么都不刻意去做，尽情沉溺于其中，愿此刻永恒。

Fantasy is a big turn-on for many people, and yes, it is perfectly normal to fantasize when your partner is doing sexy things to you. Many people also like to fantasize on their own before their erotic encounters, building up a nice head of steam before any touching actually takes place. Perhaps you would both enjoy watching an erotic video or reading each other grown-up bedtime stories. Maybe it would be hot to tell each other your favorite fantasies.

对很多人而言，性幻想都是一个非常有效的“快感按钮”，或曰性唤起方式。须知，当你的伴侣，撩弄你的身体，你幻想和其ta人发生肉体关系，这是很正常的事情。除此之外，很多人也会在和其ta人进行性爱之前，先独自进行一番性幻想，作为“预热”，然后步入肌肤接触的互动环节。也许你和你的伴侣，都喜欢在亲密互动之前，先一起看些色情片，或者相互给对方朗读些黄色小说——这确实是很好的调情预热方式。如果你和伴侣，能够相互交流各自性幻想内容，说不定会更爽、更刺激。

Although lust for one person is seldom satisfied by sex with another, experienced sluts know that turn-on is transferable. The excitement you feel about the sex you’re planning with Bill next weekend can easily set a fire under your session with Jane tonight, because arousal is a physical experience that can be used for anything you want. The lust in the mind persists and will still be there for you when you get around to Bill—we promise.

虽然，你对张三的肉体欲望，很难仅仅通过和李四做爱，就能得以满足——正如“癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉”的念头，很难通过吞下一只苍蝇或者舌吻别的蟾蜍，就平息下去——但是从另一个角度讲，你对张三的欲望幻想，所激发的性欲，可以传递到与李四做爱的场合：这是很多资深大婊的切身经验。你和Bill约好“下周打炮”，由此所产生的兴奋和性欲，可以为你今晚和Jane的性爱，火上浇油、锦上添花。性欲被激发，这是一种没有必然指向的身体反应，其能量，可以被用在一切你所希望的场合。尤其是，你之后再和Bill约炮，热烈程度不会有任何降低，因为你对Bill的欲望，一直都在那里，绝对不会像（物理意义上的）能量转化和守恒一样，被消耗掉。对这个事实，笔者可以向你打保票。 【关于“对别人的爱”，前面的章节专门谈到过：完全可以取之不尽，甚至越用越多；经济学中的稀缺性，和物理、化学中的质量－能量守恒，于此都不再适用。译者附注的那篇“小论文”，你还记得吗？非常推荐不断重温：见本书第六章，“机缘无限，行者无疆”。——译者 】

Excitement begins with a slow, sensual warmth, and when the warm-up has begun, the door is open for more intense excitement, exploring the sensitivities of ears, necks, wrists, and toes, or tongues in mouths. Breathing becomes deeper, and hips start to move of their own accord.

性奋，起始于缓慢的“性热身”；当你开始了“热身运动”，就像打开一扇门，步入激情探索之旅，耳朵脖子腰部脚趾或者嘴巴舌头，都可能成为点燃性欲之火的引线。呼吸会变得更深，胯部也会以独特的节奏晃动。

So does this excitement mean it’s time to leap on that express train to orgasmic release? Just because your body is physically ready to enjoy sex doesn’t mean you need to rush to fulfillment! Why don’t you take a little more time? This feels good, right? So what about feeling good a little more, getting a little more turned on: remember when you were in high school and you could kiss for hours?

那么，上述的性奋状态，是不是到了“直奔高潮，准备泄火”的时刻？非也，非也！这是你的身体，做好了享受性高潮的准备，但并不意味着，你一定要急匆匆地冲向“终点”，立刻满足自己的全部！让这种美好的感觉，多持续一会，岂不更好？对能够让你获得性快感的过程，都不妨脚步放慢一些，多享受一会：还记着你在上中学时，和喜欢的同学反复亲吻，都能玩上好几个小时吗？

放慢节奏，尽情享受

SLOW DOWN

Don’t we all want a lover with a slow hand? The most common mistake people make when they get nervous about sex is to rush things. Tension does tend to speed us up, and it is also true that both men and women develop a lot of muscle tension as they approach orgasm, which adds to the furor. Now when we are truly ready, there is nothing we like more than to grunt and gasp and heave and shout and make fists with our toes on the speeding express train to orgasm. But there is more to sex than orgasm, so let’s not leave out sensuality, seduction, the oh-so-gradual turn-on, the building of suspense, the exploration of every part of the body that can arouse the senses—we want to do it all. To explore the entire range of sensual and sexual intimacy, we need to learn techniques for slowing down.

你是否期待情侣缓慢爱抚的手感？人同此心，也由此可见：性爱中最糟糕的常见错误，莫过于内心慌慌张张、凡事匆匆忙忙。情绪紧张，会让我们做事慌忙；此外，无论任何性别之人，都会在步入性高潮的时候，全身肌肉紧张——这种状态的确能够增加性爱的刺激感。但无论如何，当我们已经做好了充分的热身，唤起了自己的性欲，我们最想做的，大概莫过于伴随着娇喘和浪叫，浑身抽动起伏，连脚指头都蜷缩成小拳头，在“高潮号”特快列车上踩足油门狂飙。然而，性爱并不仅仅局限于“达到高潮”，所以，我们绝不要偏离感官享受、相互调情，和非常舒缓的性欲望刺激过程，以及，不断构建对下一刻的期待，和对浑身上下每一个性感部位的探索——上述种种，都是我们所要做的。为了对肉欲和性爱的亲密接触，进行“全系列”的探索，我们需要学习“如何放慢节奏”的技巧。

The first technique for slowing down is very simple. Take a deep breath and hold it. Put your hand on your abdomen and feel the hardness of your muscles. Then breathe out, slowly, and you will feel the muscles in your torso relax. When we are tense, we tend to breathe in gasps, gulping air in and exhaling very little; that’s how we maintain tension in our muscles and in our minds. When we breathe out, we relax. So anytime you are tense, in any situation, you can relax a little by taking three long, slow, deep breaths, making sure to breathe out as thoroughly as you breathe in.

第一个“放慢节奏”的技巧，非常简单易行：深吸一口气，然后保持住，先不要呼出。把你的一只手，放在自己的腹部，用心感受屏住呼吸时的肌肉紧张感。接下来，再慢慢地把气呼出，你会感觉到自己躯干部位，肌肉正在松弛下来。——须知，当我们感到紧张时，就很容易大口喘息，吸气很多，呼气却很快：这让我们的身体，一直保持紧张，无法得到放松，内心的紧张感也很难缓解。反过来讲，既然把气呼出时，能够让我们放松，那么，无论在任何情况下，只要我们感到内心紧张，都不妨通过连做三次缓慢的深呼吸，或曰缓慢的“把气呼出”，来自我释压，让身心的紧张感都能够有所缓和。当然，要想效果灵验，就一定要确保“把气呼出得尽可能彻底”。

You can learn more about relaxation and slowing down by taking a class in any form of yoga, practicing sensual massage, trying tantric techniques, or just slowing down long enough to discover what fun it is to focus on what you’re feeling when you’re feeling good.

此外，你还可以通过一些课程——例如任何类型的瑜伽，或者“感官按摩实践”，或者尝试下“谭崔”技巧——来学习身心放松，从而能够随心所欲地放慢节奏。或者，你只需让自己的生活节奏，尽可能处处放慢下来，就此保持足够长的时间，从中探索自我，不断留意发现：“身心舒适，对我而言，究竟是怎样的感受？”

You can reduce your nervousness when you talk about sex, and you can slow yourself down during sex, just by breathing. When you slow your breathing while you are turned on, let your awareness go down into your body. Scan your whole body with your mind, starting from your toes, and let yourself notice how each part of you feels. Chances are you will discover a lot of good feelings you haven’t even felt before. Sex therapists call this “sensate focus”and advocate it in particular for those who want to slow down their response and enjoy more sex before they come. You can slow down your physical sexual response by breathing, relaxing, and focusing your attention to reduce your physical tension, because, you see, not only do we all tense our muscles before we come, but most of us cannot come when our muscles are relaxed. So orgasmic control is not achieved by grunting and bearing down, but rather by relaxing and enjoying yourself.

仅仅通过呼吸技巧，你就能够在谈论性爱话题时，减轻自己的紧张感，还可以在做爱时，让自己放慢节奏。当你性欲涨满时，不妨刻意将呼吸放缓，让你的意识，深入到身体内部。用心“扫描”自己的身体，从脚趾尖开始，逐渐遍及全身；一定要让自己注意到：全身的每一位部位，分别有着怎样的感觉。这样做，能够让你觉察到很多前所未有的美好感受。性治疗师将上述做法，称为“感官集中练习”，并且将此方式，重点推荐给想要那些想要放缓性爱节奏、让性福感受更加持久的客户——通常会在此类客户初次来访之前，就先把上述方法介绍给ta们。通过呼吸、放松和精神集中，你可以让自身对性爱的反应过程，变得更为舒缓，更能显著降低身心的紧张感——须知，我们所解决的问题，不止是“性高潮来临时的紧张和仓促”，更能够突破很多人的普遍局限，也就是“无法在身心放松时，达到性高潮”。总而言之，对性高潮的自主掌控，其中的要点，根本不在于如何叫床或者相互“扑倒”，而是在于善于自我放松，和慢慢享受这个过程。

Slowing down is also useful when you are trying out new activities or feeling nervous for any reason. Our friend Mandy relates one of her early learning experiences with condoms:

“放慢节奏”的方法，对于尝试新的性爱玩法，或者缓解基于任何因素的身心紧张，都普遍适用。本书的两位作者，有个名家曼迪的共同朋友，下面，是曼迪对她当初“学习使用安全套”的经历回忆：

Rob and I had been occasional lovers for many years, and we were getting together for the first time after a long hiatus.We had very little experience of safer sex at the time but decided, due to our various experiences, that if we wanted to fuck we should use a condom. This was all fine in theory, but when the time came to put it on after a suitable and exciting round or two of outercourse, Rob picked up that difficult little piece of rubber and promptly lost his erection. I’m sure this has never happened to any of you.

罗伯和我，曾在很多年里，是不定期约炮的朋友。我和他第一次做爱，是在彼此中断联系很长时间后，终于再次得以相聚之时。那时的我和他，都对安全性行为，没有多少切身经验，但同时也都明确：如果做爱就一定要戴套。相关的道理，我和他都懂，但是，当我俩玩了一两轮非插入式性爱，彼此都性欲高涨时，罗伯拿起安全套，鸡巴却一下子软了下去，再也挺不起来。——我总觉得这样的事情，非常罕见，估计你们谁都不会遇上。

We fooled around for a little while and tried again, with the same response—Rob’s mind and his cock were not in agreement, and his cock was not cooperating. I dragged myself up into a more active consciousness and decided to put what I had learned in adult sex education to use.

我们愣了好一会，然后有些慌乱地继续尝试，但结果都是一样——罗伯的头脑和鸡巴，总是无法达成一致，一旦脑子里决定“戴套做爱”，鸡巴就开始罢工，对此不予响应。一旁的我，竭力把自己的理智，向“正面认知”的方向拖拽，回想我所学到的关于成人性爱的种种内容，从中搜索能够改善当下境况的知识点。

I got him to lie back and agree to be done to, and I set up the environment: candles for light carefully placed where we wouldn’t knock them over, lubricant and towels handy, two or three rubbers in case we broke one, plus slow sensual music on a very long disc. I got myself in a comfortable position between his legs—comfortable because I wanted to take all the time in the world, and I did not want to be interrupted by an aching back or a cramped shoulder.

我让他在床上好好躺一会，并在确定他同意的基础上，着手调整周围的环境：把照明的蜡烛，放在我们无论如何都不会碰倒的地方；润滑液和纸巾，都确保触手可及；同时还准备了两三个安全套，即使我们浪费掉一个，手边也依然有“备胎”；此外，我还放了一段舒缓而柔情的迪斯科舞曲。我依偎在他的两腿之间，摆出令自己非常舒适的姿势：毕竟无论如何，我终究是为了让自己得到享受，绝不想把自己搞得肩酸背痛、性味索然。

I started by stroking his body—thighs, tummy, legs—very gently, in a soothing way, for a long time, till he first relaxed and then responded with an erection. I waited a little longer so he could enjoy that erection without any responsibility for taking things further: in sex therapy, this is called “non-demand pleasuring.” Then I moved the stroking to his genitals, around but not on his penis. His erection went down again, so I moved further back and continued sensual stroking on his skin until he got hard again. I continued again a little longer and then moved to touching closer to his cock. This time his erection fell only a little and got hard again after only a few seconds. By now he was breathing hard, and so was I. For me, the experience was very sensual and kind of trance-like, warm, and pleasurable: a major turn-on, too.

我开始以非常轻柔的方式，爱抚他的身体：大腿、小腿、腹部，如此持续了很长时间，直到他终于放松下来，然后老二再次勃起。我特意让这种状态，多持续一会，让他能够单纯地享受这样的勃起，其他任何事情都不用做：在性治疗领域，这被称为“没有任何责任的快感享受”（non-demand pleasuring）。过了一会，我开始爱抚他的阴部——爱抚的具体部位，是他阴茎周围的皮肤，但不包括阴茎。他勃起的阴茎，逐渐软下来。这时，我的手指离开了他的阴部，继续爱抚他双腿和腹部的肌肤，直到他再次勃起。我持续爱抚他的双腿和腹部，比方才持续的时间更长，看到他的阴茎依然坚挺，慢慢挪动爱抚的手指，逐渐贴近他的阴部、他的鸡巴。这一次，他的鸡巴仅仅瘫软了很短的时间，随后就在几秒钟内，重新坚挺起来。那一刻，我和他的呼吸声，都变得粗重。对我而言，那次经历，充满了感官刺激，令我流连忘返、飘飘欲仙，更充满了温情和喜悦；这个过程本身，就是一场极其热烈的灵肉交欢。

I spent a very long time stroking around, but not on, his cock, until he was very hard indeed. He reached for me, but I slapped his hand—no distractions, please. I am doing this to you, get it? When the suspense was virtually unbearable, I ran my hand lightly over his dick—he shuddered. Stroking his cock and pulling gently on his balls aroused him even more, and he was beginning to moan and sweat. I picked up the condom, checking to make sure I was unrolling it in the right direction, and he lost his erection almost instantly. I went back to stroking around, not on, his cock, and he sprang up again, getting impatient…but I made him wait, played with his dick for a long time but gently enough that I knew he couldn’t come.

我爱抚罗伯的身体，却在很长时间里，都故意不触碰他的鸡巴，一直等到他的鸡巴，已经勃起得非常硬。他也想要触摸我，但我将他的手拍打下去，用这种方式告诉他：“别分心，此刻，我为你服务，你只要用心享受就够了。明白了吗？”当这种“悬而未决”的爱抚，已经达到“快感饱和”，或曰“物极必反”的边缘时，我的一只手，快速滑动到他的龟头上方——那一刻，他浑身颤抖。这时，我抚摸他的鸡巴，轻轻拉扯他的阴囊，他更加性奋，开始叫床，开始出汗。我拿起一只安全套，查看确定“储精囊下面的薄膜，从环的内侧卷入”，还没给罗伯的鸡巴套上，只见罗伯的鸡巴顿时软了下去。我继续爱抚罗伯，依然像方才那样，避开他的鸡巴不予触碰，过了一会儿，他再次勃起，却有些失去了耐心。然而，我让他不要急，再等一等，极其轻柔地玩弄他的老二很长时间——在此过程中，我确定他不会达到高潮，不会射出来。

The next time I approached with the rubber, he only wilted a tiny bit, so I rubbed a bit more, and we went round a few times until he was so turned on he couldn’t think any more and his cock stood up nice and straight while I rolled the rubber over it. I continued playing with him while he got used to the new sensation.

当我再次拿起安全套，罗伯坚挺的老二，只是稍微缩小了一点。于是，我放下套子，又爱抚了他一会。就这样周而复始地经历了好几轮，直到有一次，当我拿起安全套，给罗伯戴上时，整个过程中，罗伯的鸡巴一直坚挺如初；罗伯也一直保持着性欲高涨，再无其他想法。我继续和罗伯进行性爱游戏，我知道，他已经了适应了戴上安全套的感觉。

By this time I was seriously turned on and more than a little impatient, so when I gave the word, he attacked and did the raging bull thing, and we both finally got to fuck fast and hard. It was well worth the waiting—I’m sure they heard the explosion in the next town!

这时的我，已经性欲冲天，同时也有了一点不耐烦，于是，随着我的一声指令，他像疯牛一样扑上来，和我互相肏到酸爽。插入之前的“好事多磨”，一百二十分地值得。我敢保证，那一次我们的叫床声，方圆十里八村的父老乡亲们，都能听得真切！

To sum up, and maybe catch our breath a little ourselves, a basic skill for good sex is knowing how to relax, and slow down, and then knowing how to tense and speed up. And once you know how, you can go round and round as many times as you can bear to hold off, enjoying every minute and building up excitement for the grand finale. Relaxing your breathing, and relaxing your body, can help you get centered, grounded in your body and in the pleasure you are feeling, and give you more choices about your sex life.

总而言之，“控制我们自己的呼吸节奏”，是一项提高性爱质量的关键技能；其要点在于：当你知道如何身心放松、进程放缓，也就知道了怎样让自己紧张、加速。当你明白了“该怎么做”，就可以一轮又一轮地将其付诸实践，越发气定神闲，凡事不急不慌，悠然享受性爱互动的每一分钟，以这种方式为自己谱写一曲“哪怕起步再多不顺，也一定能够精彩结尾”的性福交响乐。只要放松你的呼吸，放松你的身体，就能让你排除杂念，专注于此时此刻，身心合一沉浸在美妙的感官世界，并且，让你的性生活，拥有更多不一样的选择，更加丰富、多元。

高潮过后，如夕阳晚照，依然余味无穷

AFTERGLOW

Sometimes we get so fixated on the challenges of successfully steering our course through the tortuous rapids of getting there that we forget to pay attention to where we have gotten. Afterglow, that dreamy, relaxed, exhausted, sweet state that follows the thrashing and shouting, is a delicious time. Enjoy it. Rest in it, curled up with your partner. Forget the mess, and drift in the profound relaxation. Feel the connection to your partner as you float together in a warm pool of your conjoined energy, swirling around in the comfort of satisfied love. Feel good.

我们往往太过执着于“排除万难，实现目标”，却由此忽视了“我一路走到这里，沿途所见的那些美景”。高潮过后，性爱的热力被释放掉之后，如梦如幻，身心轻松，有些疲惫却又充满甜蜜；它意味着“那美好的仗，我已经打完了，应行的路，我已经行尽”，也可说是“滴滴香浓，意犹未尽”。尽情享受这一刻，安心驻足于此刻，别忘了和你的伴侣，搂抱蜷缩在一起。忘掉一切烦恼，让灵魂和肉体，都在完全放松的船舱里，随缘随意地漂流。用心感受你和爱侣的身心联结——就像一对鸳鸯，彼此身心交融，在温泉中戏水，在爱与被爱都得到满足的极度舒适中游荡。这种感觉，真的好棒！

【练习题】有了快感你就喊

EXERCISE Get Loud

Why have you never heard your neighbors having sex? Why have they never heard you?

Do you believe that your partner should make a lot of noise but you should not? Why is that?

Masturbate as loud as you can. Pump your hips to the rhythm of your breath. Open your mouth and throat as wide as you can.Breathe hard, moan, yell, scream.

See how much noise you and your partner can make the next time you make love.

Smile when you see your neighbors.

为什么，你从来都没听到过邻居做爱时的声响？为什么，你做爱时的声音，你的邻居也一样听不到？

难道你依然觉得，大声叫床，仅仅是你床上伴侣的任务，而你却理所当然地“消极怠工”、“不劳而获”？问世间，岂有此理？

先从自慰做起，有了快感你就喊，抡圆了喊出来！随着娇喘的节奏，扭动你的屁股。用力呼吸，纵情呻吟，扯开嗓子，宛如对酒当歌，唱出心中喜悦。

看看下一次，当你和某个情侣做爱时，能够发出多大的动静，能否响彻云霄，让隔壁邻居都知道我现在的感受。

然后，当你遇到任何一位邻居时，别忘了给ta一个友善的微笑。

【上述练习，不妨先在远离自己长期住所的地方尝试：比如在外国或外地旅游时，或者找个离日常熟人足够远的地方开房。此外，更要充分考虑你的性伴侣，也可能会有种种顾虑。一起进行这项练习前，需要做好充分的沟通，达成共识。——译者注 】

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《理直气壮，做个婊子》 （The Ethical Slut）猪川猫二饼 译